Thym 4 Tea with Mikita

Ep 74 How to Navigate Life After The Kids Are Grown With Love And Grace

April 25, 2023 Mikita Smith, Finding Courage / Creating Space & Living Life
Thym 4 Tea with Mikita
Ep 74 How to Navigate Life After The Kids Are Grown With Love And Grace
Show Notes Transcript

 Are you feeling lost and unsure of what to do now that your children have flown the nest or have headed off for college? Trust me, I understand how you feel. It's not easy to suddenly find yourself in a new chapter of life that is vastly different from what you're used to. You might be experiencing a whole range of emotions, from sadness to anxiety, and that's okay. But now is the time for you to take a deep breath, pause and let's have a chat.
In this episode of Thyme 4 Tea, I want to share my journey into this uncharted territory of motherhood, and I want to offer you some comfort and support.I talk about my personal struggles with figuring out life after my kids left home for college. Trust me; this episode is a must-listen for any mom who is going through this kind of transition.
But wait, there's more. I understand the urgency of wanting to get started on this journey of growth and self-discovery. That's why I'm offering a very limited-time bonus. If you download the workbook now, you'll also receive a personal coaching call with me, Mikita. Yes, you read that right. You'll get a chance to chat with me, ask me questions, and get personalized guidance on how to navigate this transition.
So don't wait any longer. This is your chance to embrace this transition and make the absolute best of it. Trust me; you won't regret it.

00:04:16 Rediscover yourself and embrace change.
00:07:12 Allow space to explore possibilities.
00:14:05 Rediscover yourself and your love.
00:19:37 Free self-care resources.


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I feel like we have to embrace this transition and see it as an opportunity as we grow into who we are, as we take the time out to say, hey, this isn't always easy, but guess what? I will be okay. My kids will be okay. Because you will forever be a mother, no matter how big your kids get. Hey there, I'm Makita, a small town girl with big dreams. We started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, Time for Tea with Makita, we chat about living life unapologetically on your terms from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships, and everything in between. This is your one stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you've found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy because this is Time for Tea with Makita and the tea is definitely hot. Welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea and I am Makita. Thank you so much for sharing your time, your space, and your amazing energy with me today. So today I am going to be diving into a topic that affects so many of us. And that is navigating motherhood once the kids are gone to college because I have personally been going through this awkward phase of the kids growing up being more independent, leading me less and trying to figure out what that means for this new chapter in my life. And I know I am not alone. There are many women out here just like me who find themselves in this transition of empty nesting and just trying to figure out what's next, where we fit, how it works, and how do we deal with the emotion of this loss because we spend years dedicating ourselves to our kids. From sleepless nights when they're babies to softball practices, soccer games, helping them with their homework and everything in between. So it's no surprise that once our kids grow up and they leave home, there's definitely this void that needs to be filled. But the question is, how do we navigate this new chapter in our lives? One of the first things I did was to kind of just recognize that this transition is going to be difficult. And that's okay to feel this sense of loss and give myself space and time to adjust. Because the truth of the matter is, if you're like me, you couldn't wait for your kids to get bigger. I remember being like, oh, I can't wait till my baby can crawl, till they can walk. I can't wait when they, you know, their first day of school. And then you're, you know, you're waiting for all these different milestones and steps into their life because you get to be a part of all of those special moments. And I remember when my oldest daughter was graduating and that was such a sense of loss and sense of, I was really sad because I was like, this is the beginning of, you know, my baby's not needing me as much. They're growing up, you know? And I kind of clung to my youngest kind of after that because she was still in school. She still needed me, you know, but she was so independent that she was like, I'm kind of good, mom, you're okay. But I really clung to her and I did things with her I don't think I did with my oldest because it was like, this is it. I have no more babies at home. And I have to make the most of this because these kids grew up there and it happened so fast. It was like one minute they were like, mom, spin me around again. Mom, can I stay out a little longer? Mom, can I stay up just a little bit later to I'll be back tomorrow or I'm going with my friends for the weekend. And then it's packing them up and they're headed off to college and you're sitting at the house and you're in tears and you're like, where did the time go? Like, seriously, where did the time go? Like, I have no idea. And if you're sitting there like me wondering, like, what happened? I had all the time in the world until there was none. And that's kind of how I feel in this moment of just missing those moments when they were little and they needed me so, so much. I also have to remind myself that this is an amazing opportunity to rediscover myself and then to pursue new passions. And I want to encourage you to take this opportunity to discover all the new amazing things about yourself because as much as we've grown and we've watched our kids grow into who they are, we have also grown. You know what I mean? You have evolved so much. Your views, the way you do things, you've learned so much about who you are as a person and just really taking the time to get to know this new version of yourself. I think it's very important. And that's why I love to do those self-reflection moments, those sitting in silence and just really reconnecting to who I am in the moment, because I realized that me from even six months ago is not necessarily me from three years ago. I have totally changed. Honestly, I'm going to tell you all the truth. I am so much more relaxed. I am a true Capricorn and we can be really serious and so focused and just allowing myself to just be okay with not having everything figured out and be in the moment and just take life as it comes is different for me and not taking things so seriously, laughing at my crazy, at my messy, at my mistakes. So that version of me would have not existed years ago. So just taking that moment to realize all the things that make you amazing. And then looking at some of those things that you used to love to do. Like I got this piano back here and I used to love playing the piano and I've never had like this big grand piano, but I used to have a keyboard growing up and I love playing it. I love music in general. I love art. So I'm like, oh, this is such a great opportunity to explore, you know, museums and libraries and you know, just attend musical events because I truly love music and I can also work on getting back into playing the piano. So those are just a few things that I have discovered that I love. I even realized that I love coloring. You know, you color as a kid, but I'm like, this is so relaxing, just pulling out the crayons and just coloring. And I've also taken this time to read more books. And as much as I love, you know, the books that help us in self-development, I love a good raunchy novel. I am not going to lie to you. I love reading different types of books, but I love being able to escape into a fantasy world. So those are my books and I love them. And I am taking the time out to explore different books and different authors and just be okay with that. Another thing that I am loving to do is travel. So I think it's important that we pursue these new passions, that we get to know ourselves and that we challenge ourselves to do something different, do something we've never done before and see how we feel about it. We may love it, we may not, but it's a life experience that we haven't have tried yet. So I think that's amazing. One of the things that we can start by asking ourselves is, what do you want? You know, now that your kids are grown, that they don't necessarily need us as much, how do you want to pursue these goals that you may have? You know, do you want to pursue a new career, go back to school, start that new hobby, you know, whatever that may look like and feel like to you, the possibilities are endless. And this is your chance to focus on yourself and what makes you the most happiest. And you know, what about that practical side? Like, how do you stay connected with our children while also giving them the space to grow and thrive on their own? I feel like that's been the biggest hurdle for me. I want those moms to send my kids messages at least once a day. Love you, you're the best. I see you out here making boss moves. Like, go be dope today. You know, I can see that you're going to have a great day. Like anything that I can say that's uplifting, that's empowering, I just send them a message. Sometimes it's just a bunch of hearts. Sometimes it's, you know, a gift to make them laugh, whatever. But I want to send them something to let them know that you're on my mind. Like you're on my mind. You're with me. And I feel like that's important to let them know that I am here if you need me, but also here's the space, you know? So I try not to be so much in their space that it's like hindering them from growing into the person that they need to be, but allowing them the space to explore all of their possibilities. Because as much as we're stepping into this new season, this new chapter, so are they. They're stepping into this new uncharted territory of adulthood. And we all know adulthood is not as fun as it's cracked up to be. It is full of challenges and they don't know yet that it's not all fun and games. So, you know, they have to learn pivot adjust. While we've already did that, we've been there, done that, and now we're watching them navigate. And I feel like it's okay sometimes to give advice when it's asked. I'm really learning to allow my kids to express themselves without saying a word, and that's hard as a parent. It is super, super hard. But I am working on listening and not trying to guess what they're feeling, but allowing them to tell me themselves and then to ask, you know, do you need me just to listen in this moment? Or do you want some feedback? Because not everything needs feedback. Not every comment requires me to fix it for them. Sometimes it's just allowing them to fix it for themselves. And if you've ever been in a situation, and I know I have, where once I start talking about something, you know, I start figuring out myself. Like I have the answer. So our kids have the answer. We've equipped them with so much knowledge. We just have to trust that when they're sharing this information with us, when they're taking, you know, they're trusting us with giving them insight into their life and some of their struggles and challenges, that we can listen and not always try to fix it, but just be there for them and let them work it out themselves and know that when they really need us, they're going to come. But giving them the space to be okay with, you know, figuring it out, but letting them also know that they don't have to wait till it gets really messy and bad because it's important to establish those boundaries and communicate openly with our kids. And I know it's tempting to check in with them all the time and just frequently because we don't want them to mess up. We don't want them to experience pain, heartache. We don't want them to struggle. We want to make everything right for them. But the truth is, just like when they were starting to walk, they fail so many times. When they first learned to ride a bike, how many times did they scrape their knees? It happens. But each time we were there and we said, dust your shoulders off. You got this. We put a bandaid on the cuts and we reminded them that they could do it. And that's the same with life. You know, they're going to have some boo-boos. They're going to have some scrapes and bruises along the way, but they're going to know that we're there with them every step of the way. So I think that's important. And just allowing them to become those confident, independent adults. But I also feel like this time and this new chapter and this empty nesting period is hard on both partners, right? You're not the only one going through it if you have your spouse there with you or if... Like my spouse and my mom, my mom was a big part of raising my kids with me as well. So we all kind of experienced this new chapter of watching them navigate life and go off into this big new world of adulthood. So this allows us the time to strengthen our relationships with your partners. Because when children are at home, it can be challenging to nurture relationships. But now we have this great opportunity to focus on each other and rediscover the love that brought us together in the first place. So I feel like this is such a magical time for me and my husband because we have so many things in common. And now we get this great opportunity to talk more, to share more, to be more present in each other lives and to show up in different ways. Because now we can really focus and dedicate that time to supporting each other in different ways. Because not only are you discovering what you love, but your partners also rediscovering themselves as well and where they're at in this journey. So just having that open communication with them and being able to communicate and support one another. Because I feel like it takes two people to have that relationship, to really nurture it and being able to have someone that understands what you're going through. You're not by yourself in the journey of this empty nesting period. Your spouse is with you, your partner's with you. Everyone's feeling it and just being able to express it, I think, is key, especially for me. I feel like we have to embrace this transition and see it as an opportunity. As we grow into who we are, as we take the time out to say, hey, this isn't always easy, but guess what? I will be okay. My kids will be okay. Because you will forever be a mother, no matter how big your kids get. Because now I can think about my mom when I was growing up, how she felt when I, because I was the last one to leave home. I can imagine how she felt. Recently, my daughter came home, and I'm not going to lie. Usually I don't really get sad when she goes back to college. I'm okay. But this time, I don't know. I literally cried. I sat at the house and I allowed myself to feel and allow myself the space to just cry because I missed her. I missed her presence. And that was okay. I'm getting more comfortable with creating space for all these emotions and feelings that I have. And then I'm getting comfortable with communicating these feelings that I would have never communicated years ago. And I'm loving this new season and this new chapter, even though it means that I am gradually having to pull back a little bit to let my kids be these amazing people that they are becoming. But I'm loving the fact that as they transition and start a new chapter, recognizing that I am also starting a new chapter in this amazing thing called life. So I want to challenge you to start showing up for yourself, to create the space for your to start the communication and to start embracing where you're at and rediscover where you want to go, whatever that may be, whatever passion that you've had before that you want to rediscover again, give it a shot. Don't limit yourself. Remember, the possibilities are endless. I don't care if all you want to do is sit around the house in your pajamas and just enjoy being carefree because the kids are home and you don't want to cook and eat cold guts. It doesn't matter. This is your space. This is your time to just enjoy where you're at, but make room for where you're going. All right, you guys. What is all the tea that I have to spill today? But guess what? You get to join me each and every Tuesday for more delicious hot tea. And guess what? I would love to hear some feedback from you guys. I would love to hear what you think. Share with me your thoughts. Go into the show notes, leave a review. I cannot wait to connect with you. And if you're looking for some free resources, I got you. Go to And also, don't forget, sign up for my newsletter so you can get some amazing hot delicious tea on self-care. And I can't wait for you to join me next Tuesday. So until next time, namaste.