Have you ever felt unworthy or struggled with forgiveness? Join me, Mikita, as I sit down with Flowing River to discuss how a single moment from her childhood led to a 25-year-long journey of seeking validation and self-love. Together, we uncover the transformative power of forgiveness and how it can help us move forward in life.
Flowing River shares her insights on methods of self-forgiveness, such as writing a heartfelt letter, practicing the Hawaiian technique Hupana Ona, or energetically releasing pain. We also delve into the concept of flow state and how journaling can foster healing and self-discovery. Grab a cup of tea and join our empowering conversation on the power of self-love and forgiveness.
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One thing I like to say is if you're trying to fly, you can't take your bags with you. You know, you got to check them in. They're not going to let you take that heavy stuff on the plane. So this is the level of forgiveness that we have the opportunity to step into, not only for others but ourselves, so it can be done.Speaker 2:
Hey there, i'm Makita, a small town girl with dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. From my podcast, time for Tea with Makita we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you've found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is Time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot. Welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea, and I am Makita. Thank you for sharing your time, your space and your amazing energy with me today. Today, i am taking you back to share one of my favorite episodes with Flowing River, and we're talking about the power of forgiveness. So go ahead and get comfy and let's dive in. So welcome, i am so honored to have you with me.Speaker 1:
Thank you so much for having me on the show.Speaker 2:
Let's start by having you just give us a little background in your journey to forgiveness.Speaker 1:
Wow, yeah, going all the way back there really started with a story from my father. My father's a great man, but in this one moment he had a little bit of a slip up. I was in middle school and I was picking up some boxes and I dropped the boxes as he was asking me to help him, you know, bring them up the stairs. And he turned around and he snapped and he told me you're worthless, you know, and like, for me that was like a big deal, that was like huge. It's like my dad I love him so much that he never spoke to me like that ever before And that really imprinted into my being like the feeling of unworthiness, and I went to a spiral down a downward depression for three months just repeating, looping, you know, constantly these hellish thoughts of you're worthless, your piece of shit, like you're not worth anything, like you're a terrible person, like literally did that for three months straight and finally ended up getting out of it. But I didn't know anything about consciousness or healing or anything back then. So I just, you know, put it underneath the rug and forgot about it. But, as we'll learn later, the issues stay in your tissues. Your body's a hard drive, so it never forgets until you actually go all the way through and heal, do the healing work. So that frequency, that energy of unworthiness like I was unworthy of receiving love, you know like I didn't think I was worthy of receiving love And so I really didn't even love myself at that time. You know, looking back at it right now, this is the first, that's the first time I've ever said that like I. You know, i haven't really dropped in that deep Like did I love myself back then or not? But if I look at my actions, what I was doing was trying to prove my worthiness by getting validation from the outside world. To say that I'm chasing this validation from my father, that he would think that I'm worthy, like when is he going to say that I'm worthy? You know, when I look back at it, it was all to get the validation of my father, for my father to say I'm proud of you or I love you. You know that's all it was for. And if I look back at it, all these decisions for 25 years were being perpetuated by that one story until I finally healed it, you know. And what did it take for me to heal it? Oh well, it took me realizing that I can't get love from outside of me. Like it might be a temporary solution, like somebody might place their attention on me and you might feel, oh yeah, i'm under the lime, like this feels good, you know they're listening to me or they're giving me praise or whatever it is, but you know that's just a temporary cause. As soon as they leave, then what? You go back to your normal story. Oh, nobody's here to love me, you know. So you're all alone again. Well, guess what? You're always alone, you're always with yourself. So why not make yourself your best friend, your best lover? And so it took me having that kind of realization like chasing all these make it grinding so hard. I was destroying my body first off sitting at the computer eight plus hours a day. So because I believed I was unworthy, i would get synchronistically connected with people that treated me like I was unworthy of being treated with respect or being treated with love. And so it reinforced it further reinforced my belief system that I am unworthy. So for 25 years I was facing that And it was just so refreshing to be able to finally like, yes, i can give my heart to everything here, a hundred percent in, like this is all I've ever wanted to do my whole life, you know, and that's when I started calling in a new name, because I just didn't feel like my old name was serving me anymore. You know, my birth name is Darren. Nowadays, i love all versions of myself, all past versions of myself, but in that moment when I was switching, it felt like I was being reborn. It's like, oh my gosh, i'm flowing river. There's no history, there's no baggage. Nobody knows who flowing river is.Speaker 2:
I don't even know who flowing river is.Speaker 1:
You know, it's like we're getting to create from brand new. it's like being reborn, It's like a blank canvas, yeah, and my friends literally birthed me in this grotto underneath a flowing river and chanted songs. You know, wow, my new name is amazing. Yeah, we had to hike into the jungle for like 45 minutes. It was a whole thing, And I really just felt completely renewed to like go out into the world with more intention, you know, with like heartfelt intention. I'm no matter what, I'm going to put my best foot forward, And you know that from that point then I began a five year journey of actually truly doing the work to love myself, to uncover all those belief systems where I didn't think I was worthy or or, you know, I didn't deserve something, I didn't deserve my own love, And so did the healing work, And that's that's a whole another story, But that's essentially how flowing river was born.Speaker 2:
That's an amazing story And people do it so much. That whole searching for that validation from other people and getting into that that competitive. You know that loop and cycle of if I don't get validation from you, i'm going to go get it from somewhere else And then it just spars out of control and you never really learn to love yourself And, like you said, be your own best friend. You know that's so important.Speaker 1:
Yeah, absolutely. A big part of that, you know, and this is part of raising your vibration is shifting that internal dialogue. Like it's so interesting when I used to think back, you know, when I had really a lot of negative self-talk And it's like you're trying to do something. It's like, oh, i'm in the middle of a group. I remember when I was first expanding my, my creativity and like stepping into free styling, and I remember I'd be in a group of like these, like super activated galactic beans, and they're just like dropping the most amazing prolific, like mind bending rhymes, just free styling, off the top, you know, and I'm like Man, i really want to do that, you know. And then you go to like it's the mics getting past you and you go to like express yourself, and then there's like this, this knot, there's like this, this thing on your chest or like a block in your throat and like the words literally won't come out, like wrong, like why is this thing broken? Like I turned the closet on, nothing's coming out And it's like what's happening Right And and it's because there's a belief system that that I was comparing myself to these people. I'm not as good as them, i can't do what they're doing or whatever it is Like. You know how powerful the I am statement is and like declaring to the universe like I am love, and this really lines up the people and places and things to reaffirm the belief system that you are loved and that you know, whatever it is that you do, you will be supported. So this brings in the worthiness that I'm worthy to experience a life of bliss, a life of ease, grace and flow, and it takes time to reprogram the mind. One thing I like to say is, if you're trying to fly, you can't take your bags with you.Speaker 2:
You know you gotta check them in.Speaker 1:
They're not gonna let you take that heavy stuff on the plane. So this is the level of forgiveness that we have the opportunity to step into, not only for others but ourselves. So it can be done And it sounds like a lofty goal. Like you know, if somebody punches you in the face or you're gonna turn the other cheek and forgive them. You know that is the level of self mastery that's available for everyone If they so choose. To choose love in each and every single moment. They'll smoke weed every single day, they'll take prescription drugs or they'll get so busy that they don't have time to deal with looking at their pain. So they just get pushed away further and further and further, until you forget about it. But guess what? Those? that pain is not resolved. It's still inside of your body, it's still on your heart and it will still feed you thoughts, you know, as long as you have kept it inside of your temple. So you get the opportunity to clean it out and let it go, and to do that is, as you said, a process of self forgiveness. So when you look at something that you might not be so proud of and you bring that memory back up and it's tough to like accept, like you know, for my dad it was really tough for him to accept that. He told me that I was worthless. He actually denied it when I brought it up to him. You know, 25 years later He's like I never said that, you know, or I can't remember. If I said that, and you know, i just had a big healing session with him where he finally, you know, said well, if you said that I said that, then I must have said that and that that wasn't the right thing to say. Just know that every single day is a new opportunity to start rising back up into your power, into your love, into your wisdom. So, no matter how far down you go, you're literally one decision away from changing your entire life around, you know.Speaker 2:
Yeah, so when you talk about higher vibration, reaching that higher vibration, like spill a little bit tea and like kind of let everybody know, like what it means to have a higher vibration and how they can go about raising their vibrations quickly.Speaker 1:
Absolutely. The work is deep, but when you go all the way through the fire it might feel like it's burning. When that first time, when you, you know, have the opportunity to forgive somebody that really did something you know that you felt wronged you, the weight that's just lifted off your chest, you feel so much lighter and brighter, like you know, and the beautiful thing about forgiveness practices is you don't even necessarily have to do it in person. A forgiveness piece could be you writing a letter, you know, and then burning it in a fire and just releasing it. It could be doing a Hawaiian practice called Hupana Ona, where you're calling out the person's name saying you know, i'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you, thank you. It could just be an energetic thing for yourself because sometimes you know people have passed and you don't have the opportunity. But of course, there is a lot of power in being able to come face to face and confronting your fears and really doing the deep work you know with another person. But I do want to caution the other person also has to be ready to, you know, and if they're not ready, they could make it more challenging and potentially trigger you to potentially get retraumatized. You're in complete, full trust and surrender that whatever is coming out of your mouth is the perfect line and the perfect run. And so you're in a state of, instead of trying to grab at words or concepts, you're in a state of receptivity. Therefore, you're just receiving words, you're just receiving concepts and they're just coming through you, channeling through you, in perfect flow. So that, for me, is a flow state and that can be applied to anything. So I always encourage people, you know they're like oh, i'm not a poet, well, yeah, well, let's see about that. Grab a journal, you know, and set your timer for like five or 10 minutes, and the one rule is you can't stop writing. So just keep writing and writing, and writing, and writing, maybe for the first like 30 seconds or minute. As you're writing, you know, you're in your mind Oh, what should I write? Like I don't know what to write. But eventually you'll get into this flow and you'll just start writing stuff like it's. It's like magic, you know, and you don't know it will be. It may be completely different than what you started writing with. So if you do that for like five minutes straight, like that can be an experience of just, you know, a little taste of the flow state for yourself.Speaker 2:
But a lot of looking in the mirror.Speaker 1:
Yeah, absolutely, and it's. It's all worth it, though, at the end of the day, like I wouldn't trade any of the negativity that I had to move through, it's. It's absolutely, you know, worth every single all the blood, sweat and tears to go through the fire.Speaker 2:
I think it gives you a sense of empowerment, to you know that connecting with yourself, your spiritual self, in that way, Oh, absolutely Like when I am able to share this gift.Speaker 1:
you know that I've received. you know people. the reflection is so beautiful. You know they're like thank you, you inspired me, you did this or that, but it's only because I've been inspired by somebody else.Speaker 2:
And I just want to thank you for sharing, you know, all that positive energy with us like it has been truly an honor to talk with you today, thank you. Blessings everyone Blessing. All right now, that is all the tea that I have to spill today, but guess what? I hope you enjoyed this amazing throwback episode. Don't forget to join me next Tuesday for some more delicious hot tea and guess what? you can connect with me on all my social media handles, at Makeda Smith on Instagram and Facebook, and go check out my website beautifully unbalanced. And also don't forget to sign up for the newsletter and get your weekly dose of self care fuel right to your inbox. All right, that is all the tea until next time, namaste.