Thym 4 Tea with Mikita

Ep 91 4 Tips To Recognize Distractions & Set Priorities

August 29, 2023 Mikita Smith, Finding Courage / Creating Space & Living Life Season 2 Episode 91
Thym 4 Tea with Mikita
Ep 91 4 Tips To Recognize Distractions & Set Priorities
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Feeling like you are always sacrificing your dreams and aspirations to meet the expectations of others? Ever wondered how you can flip the script and start prioritizing your own goals for a change? Well, you've come to the right place. This week, we're going to dive deep into the concept of personal success and how to claim it on your own terms. We'll explore the power of shifting your mindset, recognizing your own voice, and understanding the profound power of your choices.

As part of the journey, we’ll also delve into the impact of social media on our lives and how it can often steer us away from focusing on our personal goals. We'll discuss the importance of setting boundaries, reframing our perception of success, and how to manage the fear of missing out. We'll also reveal how you can turn the tables on the pervasive world of social media and use it to your advantage, rather than let it dictate your life.

Finally, we'll debunk the myth that being constantly 'busy' equates to being productive. We'll shed light on the concept of intentional productivity, which emphasizes progress rather than a jam-packed schedule. We'll share some practical tips on how to set boundaries, understand the true meaning of success, and the power of saying 'no.' It's all about creating a life that aligns with your personal values, desires, and goals. So, grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and let's toast to a promising journey of self-discovery and personal growth.



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Mikita S:

I want you to get really clear on your definition of success. Know what it looks like for you and what it would feel like, because if you don't know what it is you're aiming for. What success means for you. No matter how many wins you have, you will never feel completely successful, especially if you're chasing someone else's success. Hey there, I'm Makita, a small town girl with dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, time for Tea with Makita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab a cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is Time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot. Ever feel like you need a super power boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot, the Tuesday Tea Newsletter. You're a weekly infusion of big thinking energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at beautifullyunbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Hello and welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea, and I am Makita. Thank you for just sharing your time, your space and your energy with me today. All right now, before we jump into today's tea, I just want to share a quick quote with you, because I truly believe words are powerful and sometimes we all need a little reminder to help keep us grounded and centered. So today's quote is happiness is a choice. I choose happiness today. I love that because I feel like you get to choose what to focus on. You can pick a positive thought that you have and allow that feeling to spread through you and fill that joy. And when things happen throughout the day which they will you can always bring that thought back up, that feeling, back up the thing that brings you joy, and let that be your reminder that you get to choose. You get to decide how you're going to show up each and every day and in any situation. Now, today's episode is all about breaking free of distractions so that you can focus on prioritizing your goals. When we start into a new year, we usually have the wealth of motivation, but full of it. But somewhere along the way between our kids, our family and life's unexpected hurdles, our goals can start to look a little less clear. So let's dive right in and talk about what you're prioritizing, that is, taking your focus and energy from the dreams and goals that you set for yourself. So go ahead and grab your cup of tea. Get comfy, because this tea is extra hot. Now let me ask you something. Does this sound like you or someone you know, the person that is always available to help, no matter the time of day or night Everyone's go to, but secretly, you're drowning under all those expectations. You're like a cow mill. You write, you're constantly changing your mind, changing colors to blend in with the environment. You have become the people pleaser. You say yes when you want to say no, and then you end up feeling guilty about being unable to please everyone. A lot of our behaviors are learned and they come from a pattern. We do something for someone and they reward us by saying oh my gosh, you're always there for me. It feels so good to have you there and we want to keep that feeling. So in return, we keep doing it, we keep showing up, no matter when or whatever pressure we're under, and we start to feel weighed down. We get tired, but we don't know how to say no, because some part of this exchange in the relationship feeds us and fuels us. It gives us something back. So if this sounds like you, I am sure you're trying to please everyone, and this has often left you distracted from doing the things that you want to do. How can you focus on your goals when you're busy helping everyone else reach theirs? Doing things for others can act as a shield so that you can use it as an excuse for why you haven't worked on your own goals. Sometimes we get scared and things happen, or we are so used to being in this role of fixing everyone else's problem, being the go-to for everyone else, that we fall back into that so easily. And then, when it's our turn to say, okay, what about my goals? We're like, oh, I can't do this because I'm over here helping and that's just a distraction, it's not the real issue. There are a lot of things happening, but being the people pleaser, being there for everyone else, can act as a distraction. So I want you to ask yourself what do you like about pleasing others versus yourself? Because, trust me, when you start pleasing yourself and doing the things that make you happy, that sense of pleasure is going to outweigh pleasing other people, just to feel stressed. And that stuff manifests too. It manifests physically. We can start to feel emotionally drained and tired, irritable, you know, have headaches because we're taking on more than we can handle. Oh, give yourself some time to think this through. Okay, I want you to just process some of this. Think about what it would look like if you started pleasing yourself. What would it look like if you pulled back from always helping others and start focusing that attention onto yourself, and even more? How do you break this cycle? One thing you should do is drop the should mindset and embrace the choose mindset. Now, the should mindset refers to making choices based on external expectations of us, like what society tells us we should do, or this perceived obligation, that feeling of being obligated to do something, or feeling pressured to do something, even if it doesn't align with their personal values or desires. Now a should mindset could look like choosing a career path solely based on the expectations of your family or society, without even considering your own personal passions or interests, or feeling guilty for taking time to indulge yourself in activities because you feel like you should always be productive, or you should always do what other people want you to do, or following certain restrictions because other people believe it's the right thing to do, even if it doesn't make you happy or align with your needs. Now the choose mindset, on the other hand, is about making decisions based on personal values, desires and goals. It involves taking ownership of your choices and recognizing that they have the power to shape your path. Now this choose mindset could look like choosing a career that makes you happy, that aligns with your passion and goals, even if it goes against the expectations of others. It looks like prioritizing yourself and setting boundaries to maintain an overall healthy well-being and happiness for yourself. It also looks like making choices that suit your preferences and health needs, rather than blindly fathering what other people expect or letting their opinions decide for you. Now the choose mindset is not about being selfish, and I know when people are used to you always being there for you, they may be like, oh, you're being very selfish, but it's more selfish for them to expect you to always be there for them but they're never there for you, and nor do you have time to be there for yourself when you're always filling your cut with someone else's problem. You can't expect your cup to be refueled when you're always giving all that energy away to someone else and never to yourself. So empower yourself and remember you have a choice in every situation. Don't get distracted by someone else's needs and wants that you forget what your own dreams and values and goals are. Now, another way to be distracted is through the detour of doubt. Now in life, we all face the doubt. It's that nagging voice in our head that tells you your dreams are unreachable and everything starts to feel impossible. But remember, rome wasn't built in a day, and overcoming doubt is like learning to drive. You have to take it one step at a time. Now, one tip is to surround yourself with positive voices and cut out the negativity. You want people in your corner that build you up, that believe in you, that when you voice an idea or a thought, instead of tearing it down, they actually help you build it up and they look at what you're saying and offer input to help you to get even more clear about what your next step should be, or just giving you some insight from their experiences. You want people that know how valuable you are and want to see you grow until all that you are Now. Finding mentors or loved ones that encourage your ambitious is also a great thing to have. And remember a mentor doesn't have to be someone you know personally. It can be an author that writes encouraging books, someone in your neighborhood, your parents, a singer, anyone that you can learn from and grow. That's the people you want. That's what mentors do. They help you grow and you don't have to personally know them. You can just be inspired by something that they say and use some of their philosophy. And don't go into this thinking that one person is going to always be everything for you. You want to choose people that have values that align with yours, but know that one person won't fill all of those holes and gaps for you. So, having your friends, having the mentor it could be anyone, but just be open to the possibility that you can learn from everyone. Another tip to focus, another tip to help you focus on smaller accomplishments is remember, inch by inch, progress is still progress. Each brick laid contributes to the final monument, and when you start doubting yourself, I want you to try to stop, reflect and act method. What I mean by that is you're going to pause, you're going to reflect on your values and your goals and you're going to act according to what aligns with your purpose and act yourself. If you did not allow doubt to keep you distracted, what could you accomplish? Which brings us to the world of social media abyss. So let's talk about it, okay. How often have you found yourself strolling endlessly only to realize you wasted hours of your time? Social media can be an abyss and it can swallow your energy without mercy. I have definitely been there countless times. That's why I like to leave my phone downstairs. I do not bring my phone with me to do any type of recordings, if I can help it, because it's easy to get distracted. So if you've been strolling through Instagram or Facebook and you suddenly you're looking at everyone's posts and you're like, oh my gosh, everyone is doing so much better than me, their life looks so much better, they're growing, and yet I feel like I'm stuck and you start to feel the little boat of self-confidence like sailing through choppy waters of comparison. Now, in this 21st century sea, it's time that we learn how to navigate away from that storm. Remember, social media only paints one picture, not the whole story. It doesn't give us the background, the tears that person shared. It doesn't tell us everything they went through. Sometimes we get to look at a snippet of it, but sometimes for a lot of us, I follow people and by the time I actually get to know who this person is, I'm only seeing the after effect. I don't see how they built it up, the beginning stages and phases. I'm just seeing where they're at now and it looks like everything is perfect and they're doing so much better than me. And then you start to think, oh my gosh, they've only been doing this for two or three years and look how far they're grown. And I've been working at this thing for five years and I just feel stuck and stagnant. And we get into this comparison thing. But instead of seeing it as a comparison, I want you to look at it as proof that you can reach those goals too. This is a perfect opportunity at times to reach out to those people and ask questions that can help you grow. And then I want you to get really clear on your definition of success. Know what it looks like for you and what it would feel like, because if you don't know what it is you're aiming for, what success means for you, no matter how many wins you have, you will never feel completely successful, especially if you're chasing someone else's success. I want you to take a few minutes and picture yourself reaching your goals, asking yourself how does this really feel? Am I happy? Am I joyous? Am I just relaxed and calm? Do I have less anxiety and pressure? And who's with you? Is it your spouse? Is it your best friend? Is it your mom, your dad, your siblings? And where are you at? Are you celebrating at a party or are you just relaxed at home with a book and everyone's there? What does it look like? Does it look like you're traveling all over the world, working from home, attending big name parties, speaking at conferences or events, or having a certain amount of money if that's your goal of success or maybe just having the financial freedom to decide what it is you want to do? Because once you know what it is you want and what that success is gonna look like, then you feel less of the comparison syndrome and you don't get distracted and caught up in someone else's success, but instead you get more laser focused on what it is you need to do and the steps that you need to start taking to get there. A great tip so you don't get swallowed in the social media abyss is to start setting boundaries on the time you spend on social media and, instead of mindlessly strolling, allocate specific times for it, create a social-free zone in your daily routine and reconnect with your other interests and hobbies. Now let's get into this major distraction here. Okay, and that is busy equals productive. I want you to start breaking up with this mindset that you gotta hustle hard and work endlessly. This sense of being constantly occupied doesn't necessarily mean you're accomplishing anything. We're in this world of grinding nonstop, and if you're not working then you're lazy, which is not true. Running on the hamster wheel at full speed may look like progress, but the question is are you actually getting anywhere? Being busy can actually be a major distraction, because there's always something demanding our attention, pulling at us in different directions. But all that busyness doesn't necessarily mean we're doing anything productive. Now, in today's fast-paced world, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because you're busy, it means you're getting things done. Raise your hand, me included. How many times you filled your schedule with countless tasks? Your to-do list is full and you're getting notifications constantly buzzing on your phones reminding you that this is due, that's due, only to end up feeling stressed and overwhelmed. But here's the thing true productivity isn't about how much you do and how much you can cram into your day. It's about making meaningful progress towards your goals I want to emphasize that towards your goals. Now, I learned this the hard way. I was always busy. I always had something to do. This to-do list was crammed. I had it all figured out and what I ended up doing was missing out on the things that mattered, because I was so busy doing nothing, because I was constantly redoing the busyness like nonstop. But when you shift your mindset and focus on being intentional and productive instead of constantly reacting to every little thing that pops up, you can take control of your time and your energy. And that means you got to start setting some clear boundaries and learning to say no to things that aren't essential and carving some dedicated blocks of focused work time. Now, if you're like me, I'll come up to do some work and the next thing you know I'm hanging pictures, I'm going through my drawer, I'm just going to Sweeping here a vacuum real quick. That's not why I'm here. I can schedule time to clean up. I'm getting distracted. Now I'm just busy doing stuff without doing the thing that I need to do, because when you're busy all the time, it's hard to stay focused on what really matters. Our attention gets scattered and we end up spinning our wheels, and for me that looks like loads of anxiety and feeling paralyzed about how to start or when to start. So I end up not making any real progress because by the time I get started, it's time for me to stop and do something else. But when we start breaking free from this idea of business Equals productivity, you can start to regain your sense of purpose and clarity. You can start prioritizing the tasks that truly align with your goals, with your values, and start making those meaningful strides forward. So remember that being busy isn't always a good thing. It's about being intentional with your time and prioritizing the tasks that will actually Help you reach the next level of your goal. So you know what the goal is. You can break it down into steps in each day or each week. You can do one step at a time and you're not just being busy just to be busy. You're being intentional with your next steps. Now, that's all the tea that I have today and I know that was a lot of tea to sip on, but hopefully you were able to recognize some patterns of Distractions that you need to start breaking free from so that you can start prioritizing Not only your next steps, but you can start getting really clear again on On what those goals are, what those dreams are, and you can start taking the necessary steps that feel Truly aligned with who you are, so you can start to focus. So let's just break down this conversation again what we were, what we talked about. All right, so the first thing that we talked about when it came to breaking free of Distractions and getting clear on what we're prioritizing is dropping that should mindset and Choosing and embracing the choose mindset. Stop pleasing everyone else and start focusing on pleasing you getting to your goals, doing all those things that you're doing for other people, start doing them for yourself. And then we talked about being Distracted from doubt, because we all have it. We know what doubt looks like, we know what it feels like. It's constantly there, but when we surround ourselves with people who are positive, people that are willing to help build us up, we find mentors in places such as the books we read speakers, our neighbors, our parents, those people that have that good insight and advice that help us to grow, so we're not distracted by the doubt and we're not paralyzed by the fear. And then we talked about that social media, of this, of comparison syndrome, getting caught up in the strolling and thinking everyone is going so much further than we are that we forget that We've made progress and that you've had wins. You may want to start keeping a little wind book to, just a little book that you write down every day a win that you had, no matter how big it is, no matter how small. Just write down one win each and every day that you've had, whether it was finding positivity or meeting someone that inspired you, or reaching a certain goal or saying, hey, I completed my first step in Getting to that big goal. Whatever that looks like, shot it down, write it down. So when you start to Question how far you've come, you have something to look back on and say you know what? I am making progress, I am doing the thing. And then it can also help you to Refocus and maybe re strategize when and if needed. All right, and the last thing we talk about is not being busy to be busy, but being productive, recognizing that being busy Sometimes is just a distraction from what we really need to do, which is start actually being intentional and Taking the necessary steps that we need to reach whatever goal that you have in mind. Okay, now that's all we have today, but if you love this episode as much as I did recording it, then please take a quick minute and leave a review, share this with someone who needs it and, while you're at it, don't forget to sign up for the Tuesday tea newsletter. Remember you can join me every Tuesday for more delicious hot tea. Until next time, namaste.

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