What If Letting Go Is The Key with Asher

As we navigate this thing called life, I find myself reflecting on the narratives that shape our very essence. My guest, Asher, a veteran with a history as rich as the military honors he's earned, joins me to share his enthralling journey from the  Army into the boundless universe of entrepreneurship and wisdom coaching. We unravel the threads of identity, metamorphosis, and the art of self-narration, all while sipping on the metaphorical tea of Time, Energy, and Attention.

The wisdom embedded within the written word has long been a vessel for personal expansion. Asher and I traverse the landscapes of thinking, writing, and speaking vocabularies, highlighting their pivotal roles in personal development. We delve into the transformative power of books across genres, from metaphysics to autobiographies, and discuss how harnessing the act of writing can distill our chaotic thought clouds into a focused beam of clarity. It's a conversation that empowers us to shape our realities with the stories we choose to tell ourselves and share with the world.

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Join in the conversation as we discuss the courage required to embrace multiple identities and expand beyond our comfort zones. From his leap from soldier to life coach to Asher's triumph over ADD and dyslexia, he shares the struggles and victories that come with finding and asserting one's voice.  

Transcript

Asher: 0:00

But then I realized it's the identity piece. I was in the crisis of identity. I figured who am I going to be outside of the military? Because I was in that system. That made me great. And my question was can I be great out of this system, out of the military system? And I couldn't figure it out and it took me a while to like OK, asher, let's build something off your own. And that's when I started my entrepreneurial journey. I sat for the whole year. I sat and write my first book. This was a lot of work. I've never written a book before. But once I started doing it I'm like oh, I can do this. My know, ability, my credibility, my believability all those stuff started falling in place and, man, it's so, so good.

Mikita : 0:39

Hey there a small-town I'm Mikita girl with dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, time for Tea with Makita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This one-stop your shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you've found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab a cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is Time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot. Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot, the Tuesday Tea Newsletter. You're a weekly infusion of big thinking energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at beautifullyandbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Welcome back. It is definitely Time for some tea.

Mikita : 1:55

I am Makita. I just want to thank you so much for sharing your time, your space and your amazing energy with me today. Today, I am reminded of a quote by Alan Watt that says the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance, which brings me to today's guest. He is a veteran, with over 22 years of service in the US Army. He is now a wisdom coach and co-host of Pandora's Awareness Podcast. He is renowned for his insights into personal transformation and overcoming life's challenges, from his journey from Jamaica to the front lines of entrepreneurship. His testament of resilience and the power of embracing change speaks for itself. Asher, first of all, thank you for your service and thank you for sharing your time and energy with us today.

Asher: 2:50

Makita, the American population and you, my friend, was worth my sacrifice, so absolutely I enjoy doing it.

Mikita : 2:58

Thank you. I am actually very excited to have this conversation with you. I believe you have such an interesting story and career path. First of all, just start off by just sharing a little insight into your career path and telling us a little bit about where you're at today.

Asher: 3:23

OK, you go right into the juice system, didn't you?

Mikita : 3:25

Yeah, I like to get into the juice system right away.

Asher: 3:28

But before I even jump in that, I want to just I love the acronym you have on your podcast Time for Tea, and tea is an acronym I use. It's called Time, energy and Attention. So we're going to sip up some tea, some amazing Time, Energy and Attention today. So I appreciate how you're kind of framing your podcast. By the way, I love it.

Mikita : 3:47

Thank you, and I love that acronym. I might steal it.

Asher: 3:50

Yeah, you can keep it, because it's already in your thing. Time, energy and Attention. Sip on that tea, my friend.

Mikita : 3:55

I'm going to sip on it.

Asher: 3:56

Yeah, my story started back in Jamaica. I grew up in Jamaica, moved from Jamaica to the United States. 18 years old I show up on the shores of Connecticut. That's where I might right now Actually, I just moved back here in July, so I'm going to give you that part of the story.

Asher: 4:14

But so I got to United States and I joined the military and I was interested when I first got here because I've been a dreamer most of my life. I was going to see the world and when I was growing up in Jamaica my grandparents was already in the United States so I didn't really know them that much until I got to the United States. I see, maybe no one then, but I always dreamed about coming to the United States and I used to listen to a lot of the farm workers that used to come to America, canada or England. They used to go farm work and they'd come back to Jamaica. They used to tell a lot of stories and I used to be one of those little kids that would sit around and listen to the story and dream One day I'm going to get to see the world, because they were telling an amazing story. I'm like, oh my god, one day I get to see the world. So out of all of my siblings I got eight siblings. My parents got nine kids.

Asher: 5:01

I was just a dreamer. I wanted to see the world. So when I got to United States I sort of was like, ok, connecticut is beautiful, but I want to see the rest of the world. And I was asking questions to my uncles and some of my cousins and all the folks that was here, like, hey, how do I get to see the world? They were giving me a different option and the military option showed up. So four months into my time here I signed up I just go sign some paperwork and then eight months later I was in training and then that took me around the world just seeing it and enjoying it in all places. I did 22 years in the military and then I finally hanged it up last year. I retired last year and after I retired last year I took a year sabbatical, just repurposed my mindset, figured out exactly what I'm going to take on this new frontier, this other life outside the military. And this is where I'm at today, right now. So I stopped right there.

Mikita : 5:47

OK, now I'm curious of the stories that you used to hear about coming to United States, was there one story that kind of stuck out to you, an experience that you really wanted to experience? Because I remember being a kid listening to my siblings tell stories about being a teenager. And I'm like man, I can't wait to be a teenager. I'm going to do all these things and I get to be a teenager and things had changed so much. It was like I know I'm going to do something totally different.

Asher: 6:21

That's a very interesting question, by the way. I love the way you just put that on me just now. So here's something. So the first 18 years of my life I've never seen the snow. So always hear a story about the snow and the amazing thing about all year the planet is just green and stuff, and then winter comes and everything falls off and then everything becomes white. You're like, wow, people talk about how amazing the snow is.

Asher: 6:43

So when I first saw the snow, I loved it. But then I joined the military and I didn't understand what cold feel like. Until it came to America. I joined the military, I was in the military and the military doesn't really dress you too warm because they don't want you to overheat or get some kind of heat stroke whatever. So you kind of dressed up a certain way and then I was like, oh, I could do this, I could do this. And then I started to play football training and I used to be miserable in the cold. I used to hate it. Oh my god, the cold was miserable. And then I started winter sporting. So when I started snowboarding I realized how I could dress for the cold and from I started winter sporting, doing snowboarding and stuff. Then I fell in love with winter even more and now I look forward to winter. I don't really get frustrated. I go my god, winter is here. So just dreaming about the snow life. That was something that. So that's gonna tie to my childhood stuff, yeah.

Mikita : 7:34

Well, I do love I'm in Virginia, so I do love the fact that Virginia gives you all four seasons, like you're gonna get a spring, you're gonna get a summer, you're gonna get a fall and you're gonna get a winter. We haven't gotten as much snow, but the only thing I like about the winter is that it snows and because we're not as equipped as some places, usually they close down the workplace and like you're off. That's the most. Yes, you get to stay home, so that is like the most exciting part being a dog, being a kid. Yeah, the snow and it coming from a place that it doesn't snow I can imagine. But you only spent like four months and then you're like I want to see the world, I'm gonna join the military and travel the world. So anyone in your family were in any form of military life at all.

Asher: 8:31

So when I first got to me and my cousin, we were the first to join the military for my family. So he got here like a month before I did and then he signed up like a few months before I did, because so he and I was the first two. My sisters, my nephew, right, no, he did. He also went in the military. He got out now too. All of us are out now, but he was the first one. So we was both thinking the same way like, oh, we got to do something different with our life. Because I grew up rough.

Asher: 8:55

My friend Tell you a short story Like the first decade of my life going up in Jamaica, my family, my, actually I got these nine of us. So the first decade I didn't have no plumbing Just kind of give you some perspective. No plumbing, no electricity. We had one bedroom house. We always like 10 of us in a one bedroom house on this little hill right, a little kitchen outside was like three rock stones right. I mean it was poverty, right. So I saw that first decade of my life in the 80s and then, you know, next decade we kind of move into a little different place to move in. We got a different, better place, so forth and so on.

Asher: 9:33

But I've been always looking to make my life great. I was like from where I started at to where I'm at today. So much gratitude, my friend. But I started from a very, very place of hard work, rough life. So when I came to America I was like I'm here to do something great. I got to do something big with my life. Like all the sacrifices my parents did to move us off the island of Jamaica to get here, I'm gonna make it count.

Asher: 9:57

So I joined the military and I wouldn't take a lot of risk in my life. But I made it to 22 years of service. I got to that side of it. The US Army was likea university for me. It was like my. It was not just a training bootcamp, but the university taught me a lot over the years. So I'm very grateful for the military. Like I always tell people like America is the greatest country in the world, like I would say that any day, any time, right, the military has done a lot for me, america has done a lot for me. So I'm eternally grateful for this country for what it done for me and my family.

Mikita : 10:25

I come from a military background family. My dad was in the military Only one of my brothers because I have four older brothers, no sisters. So it was fun with us but only one of my siblings joined the military. I wanted to join the military but my mom was like. She was like I don't think you're cut out for military life. I just don't see it for you.

Mikita : 10:49

She may have been right, I don't know, but I feel like if it was meant to be, I would have did it anyway, because I'm one of those headstrong people that I'm just going to do whatever I want to do regardless. So I felt like maybe she might have been right about that, but for the same reason, yeah, I wanted to see the world. I wanted to experience a different way of life, a different culture that was so different than my own, and we come from a poverty background. My father died when I was young, so that left my mom raising all five of us on her own. So things were not always great, but we were. You know, I think everybody has some type of struggle and things that happen that leads them to the purpose and journey that they're supposed to be. On Considering your own transformation and how do you think your experience in the army shape your perspectives on life and your personal transformation?

Asher: 11:54

I'm gonna start this conversation around these three things that I worked on so hard to really make really my life. I call it the three vocabulary my thinking vocabulary, my writing vocabulary, my speaking vocabulary and we get challenged in a lot of like the army pushed me let me know what my body can do. So I know what my body can do physically. Then I gotta come back to the space where what can my mind do? Because it's been tested too. So now that I transitioned from the military, I'm just gonna speak on this side of it. So, when I transitioned from the military, I'm focusing on how do I maximize my thinking vocabulary, or the improved it my writing vocabulary vocabulary, speaking vocabulary Because I realize in those spaces like if you can master those three things, combine them and like sync them up, you become very powerful, very dangerous. So now that's what I do. So I started this challenge back in 2016, and it was to read and list 100 book a year and a thousand book in 10 years. I'm on my seventh year.

Asher: 12:52

Over. I was 700 books completed already and I learned how to really pursue goals because of the military. That's what the military transformed me how to really get stuff done and I realized I had this amazing skill and I was like, if I can do 22 years in the military, commit myself to that system, to that organization, made it great. Can I do the same thing for me personally in my own life? Can I find something to commit my life to? That same way? And I'm working on me and the coaching system I'm putting together and the entrepreneurial journey I'm on. So I'm committed 10 years.

Asher: 13:24

So now I'm saying one of my goal is to write 86 book about my 86 birthday. I started that journey at the end of 2021, and on my third book right now and I'm working towards that thing. You know what I'm saying. So it's all about how do you combine those three vocabulary and make sure that you're sharp in all those three areas Think for yourself, can write and speak and what I discovered is the thing that made a lot of us really, really powerful is how you write down your thoughts, because if I'm thinking these awesome things, then can I put them on paper and then, once they're on paper. Can I speak them out and once I realize those three things, all they kind of sync up, that's all I'm all about right now Empower people to empower them, serving those three areas. You've answered your question.

Mikita : 14:07

You did. I love the fact that you challenge yourself in that way, but I'm curious the books that you're reading, are they all personal development type of books, or do you play around? Because, honestly, I will say for me I really just got into the reading books. That helps further my knowledge and challenge me to think on a different level. I used to just read books and I'm an avid reader. Like I could read books all day, every day. But they want books that were actually helping with growth per se.

Asher: 14:51

Okay, good question too I focus on. I started off with three areas metaphysics, psychology and philosophy. I love those three areas. I used to do a lot of reading on those, reading the books on those areas. But this year I started because for next year my goal is to do straight autobiographies. So I started because I finished my seventh one goal for this year. So I already started on my 800 goal and I've been working on most autobiography Because I realized that nobody that's not working on my story and my goal is to help other people craft their own story. So I'm reading a lot of books around how other people their lifestyle, how they write their own autobiographies, how they create their own stories. So I'm focusing on those books now, but mainly it was before. It was all self-development stuff, mostly self-development because I was just working on me and those books that resonate with me are mostly philosophy, psychology, metaphysics and all the leadership stuff out there.

Mikita : 15:41

Yeah, and there is a mental game in everything, I feel like when we take a moment to pause and we, if you're able to, like you said, if you're able to think it, speak it and write it, but you have to be in a place where you can let go of different thoughts like sometimes kind of hold us back, things that we have to recognize some of the thoughts that we're carrying, because our subconscious thoughts become our conscious thoughts a lot of the time. And if we're seeing those things for ourselves subconsciously, then eventually we're gonna consciously say them and if we're thinking that much about it, then we're gonna write it down and some of those things can become our reality, which we know really are not our reality. But if we don't bring attention to some of the things that we're thinking about, it can here's why I write in so powerful.

Asher: 16:39

I'm tapping that thought piece because I call it a thought universe, right? So I realize that thoughts like none of the thoughts you have is yours, none of it is mine. We just entertain it. So now what I do is, when the thought shows up, I write them down and I figure out which one I'm going to give my attention to like a T concept, time-enaging attention, which one of those thoughts, once I write them down, I'm going to entertain, I'm going to think about more.

Asher: 17:01

So I fell in love with this process. I thought I'd start writing. I'm like man things become a lot easier when you sit down and you write about the things that you want to think about. Because if you sit there with your thoughts, it's going to just go run around and hop around, right. But once you extract those thoughts, write them down. Now you can say I'm going to think about that idea right now and I focus on thinking about the idea, what thoughts are on that idea, and I keep thinking about it and now it becomes easier. So a lot of times when people are like, oh, I don't know the way I feel, right, I tell you what everybody fear, what you feel too. We fear our feelings.

Asher: 17:34

And your feelings are driven by the thoughts you have. So I'm afraid of my feelings, because sometimes I think about stuff. Maybe that's what I'm going to like the way I feel. That's how we fear. We fear our feelings. So I go back to the thought piece, like you got to think about the stuff you're thinking about, like think about your thinking, and then you write it down and like okay, let me pursue that idea. Now I can think about it differently, but you're just chasing thoughts in my head. Does that make any sense?

Mikita : 17:58

It does because I love to write. I do, I love to write, I'm always up to write and I keep a journal, and it's the only I'm going to say, the only thing, because I have two things that I like to do. I love to keep a journal so I can actually come back and assess some of the stuff that I'm saying. And when I'm in the car by myself, I love to have conversations with myself to talk things out, because that's the only way.

Mikita : 18:29

Sometimes, when I hear it or when I say stuff, I realize that's not what I'm feeling or not what I'm really thinking. Like, that is not even me or my. This has been imposed on me by something else. Like you say, a lot of my thoughts are not, definitely not ours.

Mikita : 18:45

But when you can write, when you start writing your feelings down, your thoughts down, you realize what you originally thought or felt is not the reality of what's really happening. So I find that writing it down helps you to articulate and speak it out easier. So if I can't explain, I don't know how I'm feeling or know why I'm feeling the way out, there's no way I can sit down and have a conversation with someone else about my feelings and why they are the way they are, if I don't understand what is going on here and then giving away to that fear because there is a certain amount of fear when it comes to saying that made me feel some type of way, whether it was sad, angry. I think we're easier to accept anger, like I can say I'm angry, but I don't want to say this thing made me sad or hurt me or made me feel that way.

Asher: 19:36

Wow, I would give you a little insight into what I'm writing about right now. I call it the philosophy in doing the PhD. Philosophy in doing the PhD, the philosophy in being and the being part is a big part called reflection, because we are comfortable with doing, doing, doing. But then the being part, the PhD side of the house, where we reflect on the feeling, the emotion piece, the thing that we fear the most in the world is our feelings. When we start reflecting on those things and figuring out exactly what is this root cause of this feeling like, oh, this is what it is, I can fix this totally, but without that self-reflection we don't actually find it. We don't find the root cause. And writing helps me solve that. And when I work with people and I talk to people, same thing like, hey, let's focus on PhD, we know how to do things, but how to be, that's the hard part being in feelings and understanding what it is and what causes it.

Asher: 20:32

And then, oh, this is exactly what it is. Oh, it came from me having to issue with my mind. This is the piece where I'm feeling this. Right now I start solving those things and life becomes a lot more easy. You can explain exactly what's going on in your system and I find that very empowering for me. So anyone that's listening it's all about really like people don't understand how powerful writing is until they start doing it, cause we get used to just thinking about stuff. But thinking by itself is just you entertaining. You know what it's like? A swarm of net is flying around you. You just watch, entertaining those things, but you pick one and you put him down and you start looking at him like, oh, examine it. Oh, this is what it's going on, but this is what it's about. Then you start understanding your feelings and your brain and once I understand my own brain, man, I feel so powerful, like there's no stage that is too big for me right now, like I can do anything. You know what I'm saying.

Mikita : 21:25

I definitely understand that. I'm curious to know, though, from your transition from being in the service to being a wisdom coach, what were some of your biggest obstacles or things that you had to let go of, to you know, to step into that space.

Asher: 21:43

Good timing, one of the things that you know. So when I was in the military and I left, the military space came out to the sub-money space. I feel like I didn't have credibility because all of the things that I've accomplished was inside of the military, inside of that community. So now, because I want to do something completely different from what I did in the military, I was like, okay, how can I find credibility in space? And, oh my God, like I went through some depression, some anxiety, I mean a whole bunch of stuff Like listen, after the first three months after I got out of the military I didn't do nothing Like listen, I was laying in bed like for three months, paralyzed by fear, by anxiety, by depression, because I was like the thing I want to do right now, I have all the things worked out, but I just couldn't take any action because I felt like a fraud. I don't feel like I was credible and all those stuff was keep showing up. I was like why am I feeling this? Like what happened? What is feeling came from? Like what happened? Like I run into fire, fire, fire, whatever. It doesn't matter what it is, but right now I'm sitting here paralyzed by this. But then I realized it's the identity piece. I was in the crisis of identity. I figured, who am I going to be outside of the military? Because I was in that system, that system that made me great. And my question was can I be great out of this system, out of the military system? And I couldn't figure it out and it took me a while to like okay, asher, let's build something off your own. And this one.

Asher: 23:08

I started my entrepreneurial journey like, oh, you got to go and build something. So I did start. I sat for the whole year I sat and write my first book. I sit down and I was like you know what I'm going to craft my ideas, my story, everything put together. I'm going to write it out. And I felt a sense of relief. Once I finished it.

Asher: 23:22

I'm like but it took, it was a lot of work, Because I never written a book before. Like I mean, it was just a lot of work. But once I started doing it, I'm like, oh, I can do this. Wow, I can. And then I start finding people that would help me organize my thinking. I'm like oh my God, it is much easier than I thought, because at first I was like this is a lot of work. Like man, I wasn't the greatest writer, but then I found editors man editors, oh my God and they was like oh no, we have writers do this, this and that. So then I started finding those people and the stuff started falling in place and I feel like I'm credible, unbelievable. My knowability, my credibility, my believability, right, all those stuff started falling in place and I felt it started really good.

Mikita : 24:05

I love that you said the fact that you felt that sense of fear actually came from identity, because I think sometimes, when you have, sometimes we place identities on ourselves like you, are this All right for me? I am my full-time job as a nurse, so it's like you're a nurse, but it's like that's not. That doesn't encompass everything of who I am, and sometimes we put ourselves as in box, in boxes, and it's like how can I expand upon the box that I've? You know, I sort of place myself in, I let other people place me in this box, but how can I expand that and be more than just a nurse? Or you, more than just, you know, a veteran?

Mikita : 24:52

But you're so many things you know, your speaker, your writer, your podcast host, like there's a lot of facets that go into making up who we are and a lot of times, fear and what perceptions we think other people are going to say about us. Because the first thing I thought about is what is someone who knows me going to say like, who is she? Like I wasn't really worried about people that didn't know me because they don't know me so, but people that know me be like well, when did she get all you know, like I know her. So when did she start doing this, or who is this person? And then, like you say, questioning the credibility piece and then, like you said, you did something hard. You stepped into your fear and confronting it seemed like it just opened up this possibility for you to say, not only can I do that, but I can do a lot of other things. Did you feel like that, like after you confronted it?

Asher: 25:54

Oh, my God. Okay, so we talk about the crisis of identity, or then in the crisis piece of it, because my first identity was I'm a soldier. I've been a soldier for 22 years. I know that thing. I can do that all day. Right, I'm good at being a soldier. But then I say I'm an author. Now, I'm a life coach, I'm a wisdom coach. Like that new identity. They go to crisis like battle of those two identity. Asher, you're an author. No, you're not an author, you're a fraud. You're not an author. Yet I'd be publishing the book.

Asher: 26:25

Like, for me to claim that identity took a lot of work, because one I had to educate myself into it. I wasn't educated into it yet, I was just learning it. But then you want, you're assuming, and you're like this is me now. And the soldier was like, no, you're not that. Yet You're still a soldier. You're not an author, you haven't written it. You haven't written any book, you haven't done anything in that space.

Asher: 26:45

So it was really rough until I had to find my way, like, okay, I'm this, I'm assuming this identity it's me now. I'm going to embody it, I'm going to make it real. And I had to convince that of myself. It took me three months to convince myself. Do you know the kind of conversation I was having for those three months, saying, oh, I want to be an author, I want to be a life coach, I want to be this and that I want to be an entrepreneur? And the other thing was to know you're a soldier guy, what are you talking about? Like, go back to being a soldier, I'll go hang out in that community. I'm like no, I'm switching, I'm changing my new way of life. Now and it was a lot of hard work until I worked on myself I'm like okay, I'm settling. I'm like I am an author, I am a life coach, I am an entrepreneur. And then finally I believed it.

Asher: 27:27

It took me three months to believe that about myself and once I believed it, I went after it relentlessly Like you understand, like I know I can get stuff done. So now I become the identity that I want to be and I get to do it, and doing is not a problem for me. I can do things Like that's why I call myself a wisdom coach, because wisdom means application, you apply. And doing things Like how do you get things done? That's what wisdom is. You apply and what you know. So now I just go and do it and I have other people do the thing that they said they want to be. Okay, once you assume the being part of it, then go do it and then you're going to become it once you start doing it. I learned that stuff in the military, so now life becomes a lot more easy because now I recognize what I am in that identity space.

Asher: 28:12

And you mentioned something about box, which I like. I want to re-film that process because the box thing is very important, because I think we got to create our own boxes, because we operate better in the boxes we create, because first you get to create that box from that box, you operate in that box, you master that box, then you expand Right and then you create, you expand. That's like the universe itself, like planet Earth is a bubble, like the universe recognized that we evolve in bubbles, so they create its bubble for us to evolve in. Within this bubble. I create my own bubble and I maximize my bubble. As soon as I master it, that space, I expand it Right and I keep doing that Because the boxes we all need, the boxes that we create for ourselves, not what other people create for us.

Mikita : 28:55

I like that expanding on your own box because, like you said, you can expand and you can be. I think sometimes people think they have to do one thing or the other, but I think, like we are creative beings, we create all the time. That's what we do. We're constantly creating. And who says you have to create one thing or stick to one thing? Like we are a multi-talented people that definitely can create in our boxes whatever we want. But how do you help people that you're coaching to get to that point of saying I'm willing to step out on my own and claim that I am all of these things and then embody who they want to show up as in this world?

Asher: 29:50

That question triggers the word purpose on me, because oftentimes that's what we battle with purpose, like what is my purpose in life, so forth and so on. But here's how it is a journey right now. This is a journey If you listen to this right now. Think about the things that are not right in your life right now, the things that are not right. Just think about them. You can write them down. Think about the things that are not right in your life and then you think about the things that are right. I take people to that same process. If you think about the things that are not right, once you align that problem with a solution, then you find purpose. You got to start with fixing the things that are not right in your life and oftentimes those things that really hold you down are the things that are not right and the things that are right. You recognize those and be grateful for those, because you want more of those and things that are not right. That's why you find your purpose and you go fix those, because once you start fixing those, you can have other people fix the same thing. But oftentimes people don't want to look at their own life, see the things, because I believe this universe attached to you like your purpose you attach to your problem like a fragrance, like a perfume. No matter how fast you run or how far you run, you're going to still smell like it. You can't escape it. And once you realize those things that the universe attached to you, you don't miss them because you got to fix them, you got to solve those things. Once you solve those, you realize that, oh my God, the whole time my purpose has been following me around like a tale and I've been not thinking about it as a purpose, but they're a problem in your life. And once you fix those, we come back to other people. Because now you're like hey, I just solved this health problem I was having. Now I can help you solve that problem in your own life because I have a solution. Now I've synced up my problem with the solution. I can show you exactly what I did to sync up yours. And now purpose revealed itself. But you're like what's my purpose? Like the universe attached to you already it's the biggest problem you got in your life right now. That's your purpose, right, figure those out and automatically you become viable to the world, the community around me, because a lot of other people have the same problem that you might be running away from. That you need to solve for yourself, and I start doing that.

Asher: 31:44

Here's one of the problems that I had for myself. I struggled with ADD and dyslexia. Those are the symptoms I struggled with my whole life and for the first 34 years of my life the only book I read from cover to cover was the Bible. So it felt like it took me 35 years to read one book because I was telling myself this story oh, actually you can't read. Reading is the most boring thing ever, and when you look at words in the book it just puts you to sleep. You just I mean, oh my God, it was so challenging. But then I said this go like, actually I gotta fix this, it can't no longer be my story. So at 36 I was like you know what? I'm gonna start a challenge. I'm gonna read and list the 100 book a year.

Asher: 32:21

Once I figured out to do that, I'm like, oh my God, this is actually easy, because first I didn't feel like I had the time, but then I stopped watching TV, I stopped listening to sports, I stopped even listening to music. I just straight reading and all your books, that is it, and I remove all of those habits that I used to have about doing those other things. I get to put them back in my life. But I get to put them back there deliberately, not just habitually. So when I started doing that, I'm like, oh my God. So all the people that are saying that they can't read, they can't write, so forth and so on, you can.

Asher: 32:49

Because that problem, the universe, attached me like a fragrance. I couldn't escape the story. I said I couldn't read, I couldn't escape it. I had to face it. Once I faced it, I'm like man. My power is in it, because I was being very poetic most of my life. I could write. I just couldn't write English language. But in my mind I think about ideas, I think about stories and so forth and so on. I could write those, but not using the English language. I wasn't good at it, so I didn't share it with anybody. But once I started learning how to do it, I'm like man. I get very artistic now Because now all the stuff that was in me, because I'm very feeling driven, now I can put those into words and emotionally attached to other people's story and help them feel empowered. I'm going to stop right here.

Mikita : 33:33

I must say I like all these thoughts because we do, and in thinking about, sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves about our problems and how we face them, I would say mine is no one cares what you have to say, no one's listening to you.

Asher: 33:55

Thank you you.

Mikita : 33:59

And I come from a pretty big family, like four older siblings. My mom and I have a host of cousins and we grew up very close knitted together. But I'm like one of the youngest girls and you have to speak loud to get heard and a lot of times you can get drowned out in big families if you can't speak up loud enough. So for me, starting a podcast speaking, it was like my way of speaking. The one thing I thought no one wanted to hear, no one was listening. So stepping into that was me stepping into the fear and purpose of who I am. So for those who are listening, like whatever it is, take some time, write it down, because once you start examining it and you can face it, and once you can face it you can start letting it go. I truly believe that.

Asher: 34:59

Wow, you just opened up the thought universe for me again. You said something that's so empowering just now. Like no one cares, no one is listening, and then you create a podcast and no people are listening.

Mikita : 35:18

You know, it's funny because, just another problem just the other day a daughter asked me. She was like mom, did you ever think when you start your podcast, it would be as big as it is? And I said, you know, I'm a Capricorn, so I feel like Capricorns are really full of themselves, or it might just be me. What I was like in my mind I was like, yes, I was like, but internally I was like no, like I was just like expecting like maybe one listener or something like that, but to see the growth and to see. But, like you said, it also takes you to come into that world and say this is who I am and then educate yourself and also be willing to get help, ask for help. Like you know, I know where my shortcomings lie and I know where I need to say I need someone else who's more experienced here to help guide me, to mentor me, because I don't know it all.

Asher: 36:23

Wow, nobody cares, nobody's listening. And then that story. It was so fast but that story was telling itself, right, a lot of people say the same thing, right, nobody cares. But here's the thing like nobody cares about your writing, asher. But here's what I did for my first book, just kind of tied with what you're saying right now. I wrote my first book.

Asher: 36:45

I started a conversation with the world, right, to see what people think about what I write, how I think, cause I have 86 books. Right, I have another 83 more books to figure out exactly what the master, the author of writing. But how do we start a conversation Like, if you don't, if you didn't start speaking out, how you would know somebody's listening? Like you say nobody's listening, but you haven't been speaking, so how will you know that? Right, you haven't spoken out there for people to say, oh, I love the way you think, and so forth, makita, but we tell ourselves that we haven't experimented on it enough to say, oh my God, I put stuff out there and people are saying yes or no to it, but that didn't happen. But in our mind we're saying the same thing, like I was saying nobody likes my writing, but I haven't put my writing out there to even say that, made that claim I didn't like my writing because I wasn't insecure about my writing. That doesn't mean the world didn't like it. But the world will say, oh, asher, we like when you say this, but the other part does change that I'm gonna get those feedback from the first book. But I go change some stuff up, like, oh, I love this conversation with the world now Cause nobody can adjust my writing to kind of help them or other people based on what people wanna hear, what they need and how they're like. Oh, actually, when you write this way, we love it. Let me focus on writing this way. Right, but I wouldn't even have this conversation with the world if I didn't put information out there first, like the podcast. Same thing.

Asher: 37:57

I'm doing podcasts cause I love probably speaking, because one of my biggest challenge with dyslexia is I just stumble over my word. I used to just mess with my insecurities so much like, oh my God, I didn't even wanna even talk sometime because I have this list plus it's other way I didn't really open my mouth to speak. I mean, all this is the difficulty I was having with speaking. So I was always awesome listener, like most of my life. I used to listen Very good listener by the way, everybody's actually a very good listener Because I don't even talk, I just listen. But now I'm like I gotta speak and all the words for me to speak, for me to practice speaking. So I start a podcast.

Asher: 38:26

I went and joined Toastmasters, all these things, cause I'm working on my speaking, because I realized that this problem that I have what was the question I asked the audience is like what's wrong in your life, what's not right in your life? And then you find a way to make that right. Like, what was not right in my life? I wasn't able to speak, I wasn't able to write. I was an awesome thinker. I was been an awesome thinker, very deep thinker, but when it comes to expressing my thoughts in speaking or writing, man, I used to think I was the worst. But I had to change that story. I had to do things to find a way if that was really true. So I start writing and start speaking. People listen like, oh, they like it or don't like it, but I'm getting feedback now You're getting feedback from your podcast now. So now do people care? They do. So that story about oh, nobody cares, that was not true.

Mikita : 39:15

And sometimes the stories we tell ourselves. Until we do it we don't know. So if you're listening, whatever it is, until you do it you don't know. And you have to be open to the growth process Because I think there's growth. I think someone you know give you feedback on anything is part of you growing. It's not saying you did anything wrong. It's saying we're going to help you to grow and expand upon and become better at your purpose and what you're doing.

Asher: 39:48

Sinking up your thinking vocabulary, your writing vocabulary, your speaking vocabulary. If you can master those three areas, you become dangerous man. I'm telling you like people are like, wow, oh, actually I like to have intellectual conversation like really good ones. That's just me, I just love those. And when I'm sitting in conversation, people are we just having those really deep thoughts with great ideas come alive Because my brain work.

Asher: 40:08

Here's something that if you're a person that have ADD, you probably don't realize this, Because with ADD symptoms, like my brain processes people very fast, Like the cycle of my processing ideas very fast, and because it's so fast, sometimes people don't understand how smart you can be, how much you can process the idea, because your brain work fast and all the people's brain. It's just that you don't know to focus it. I didn't know to focus my brain, but when I'm looking at, when I'm in a situation, even on the military, when I'm in a situation, I see solution very fast. My challenge was I couldn't explain them. I explain in a complicated way and people are like what are you talking about, Asher? Like we don't get it. Like man, I see the solution, I just couldn't explain it. I was like I gotta fix this.

Asher: 40:50

So I started working on my speaking, organizing my thinking. So now when I see solution on a situation, I'm like, hey, this is what it is, I can point it out. People can get it now and guess what, no matter what kind of problem is, my brain works Like I understand my brain. My brain works very fast. I mean that can process ideas way fast, and all the people. And now I'm figuring out how to communicate that in a less complicated way and now I find power in the world. So, my God, oh my God. Anyway, you get me. You get me all emotional right now, girl.

Mikita : 41:19

But I like that three step, I like that. I like how you process that to make it work. I am not a fast thinker. I am. I'm very cautious, so I like even though I come up with a thought and idea or a solution. I'm one of those people that have to see it in both ways first, which is probably too much, because I'm probably overthinking it, which usually is the case. But I want to see it both ways how it could go good and how it may not go so great, and then figure it out, which probably too much thinking. But Actually.

Asher: 41:56

no, actually, it's actually a good thing. This is something I also learned. So you gotta think military too. You gotta think about the best case scenario, the worst case scenario. You gotta actually do that with you.

Asher: 42:03

This is a good thinking process, thinking cycle, because you're trying to filter out exactly the best case scenario and the worst case scenario. And then you gotta figure out okay, so if the worst case happened, can I live with it. If the best case happened, do I want it right? And you're like okay, so you can focus on the best case scenario. When the worst case happened, like, oh, I'm thinking about the worst case. No, let me stop moving to the best case scenario.

Asher: 42:21

So those are very powerful way of thinking, my friend, to see both angles of best case and worst case. I had to learn that too, because I used to just jump into things and leap into things without thinking about all of that. But meaning the military you think about, you assume the worst and the best and the worst, and then which one do you really wanna put your focus on? Is the best case scenario? But if you notice you even fall into the worst case scenario because you already thought about it, then guess what You're like. Oh, I have a plan for that because I thought about it already.

Mikita : 42:44

So that was very powerful thinking, by the way, Well, thank you, and this has been such an amazing conversation. Before we wrap things up, though, tell me one way you are redefining self-care for you in your life.

Asher: 43:03

My biggest care for self right now is my sleep, my sleep. I am going through therapy for that right now. It's crazy. I'm gonna give you a short story, because I'm back home now and One of the things that I have really, because one thing I have a lot of challenges with, because for the last decade of my military career I was operating about three, four hours asleep and that affected my memory.

Asher: 43:35

So a lot of the stuff that happened to me maybe it was like a blessing, because a lot of the terrifying experience I had, those things was like being suppressed suddenly. I don't really have them. So they started showing up after I got out and I was going through and my therapist asked me. She asked me a question and I didn't thought about it until she asked me. Like it was like one of those Yodol questions. She was like I'm sure, are you afraid to go to sleep? I thought about it. I was like I'm a grown-up man but I'm afraid to go to sleep and I had to sit with that for a little bit. Like wait a minute, I am afraid of going to sleep. Why am I afraid to go to sleep? Because I used to have these crazy nightmares and I used to have these moments where I felt like this out-of-body experience I used to have and it used to terrify me because I used to wake up. This thing used to happen to me when I used to have these nightmares. I used to wake up, and then you wake up but your body is still paralyzed. That means you can't animate your body. And then I saw, I feel like I just came on this terrifying nightmare. I am trying to wake up, my body is not animated, but I'm conscious and I used to freak me out. I'm like man.

Asher: 44:41

So what I used to do is I used to over hydrate before I go to bed at night, so then my bladder only lasts for three hours and I'm awake. And I did it for so long. My body got used to it. So now I was always up like 2am, 3am and o'clock in the morning. I was up every day. And then what I started doing I started that's when I started reading a lot of books and listening to a lot of books. I used to use those time for reading and listening to books. Then I got this kind of habit for ten years.

Asher: 45:06

But then I realized that now, for that long not being on that much sleep, then my memory, like stuff I don't have, I don't remember. I don't remember stuff so much I'm like, oh man, I got other stuff in the past, I can't remember it. My friend is like you don't remember it, what was doing this? I'm like, ah, so that thing happened for me. So now I am working on getting my sleep back, working on very hard, trying to figure out how do I go to at least get my six hours sleep. I need to talk, moving to further on that, because I realized that my brain works really like. I'm like my main functional life is using my brain and I need to have my memory intact so I can remember the things that I used to have that happened in the past, the history, so forth and so on. So that being my self care for me right now is getting sleep in order. I mean working on stuff. I'm pretty fit, but sleeping has been my challenge, makita. So thank you for that question.

Mikita : 45:53

You're welcome. I think sleep has been a challenge for a lot of people. I think it's something that we don't talk about. A lot. People ask you how you do it, but no one says how are you sleeping? You know, no one asks you how are you sleeping because it controls so much your sleep, contributes so much to your everyday function into life and no one asks that question. So I think working on that sleep and giving yourself permission to say this is something out I'm going to also include into my focus for myself. Yeah, you deserve it.

Asher: 46:29

I'm going to change your question Like, not how you're doing, but how are you sleeping. That is such a you know that's going to start a lot of different kind of conversation with people. I'm used to that. I'm going to make an experiment on that one. Thank you for that question. So how are you sleeping? Oh my God, yes.

Mikita : 46:45

You got some of the results you get. Keep me posted on that. Yeah, how are you sleeping? Oh my goodness, tell people how they can connect with you, how they can find your podcast and know more about what you're doing and how they can learn more about your coaching.

Asher: 47:05

So wwwlietchanneweismcom is my coaching website. They can find me on there. Podcasts Pandora's Awareness Podcast. You can find it on all the platforms except for YouTube. I haven't worked out my video pieces on YouTube yet, but on the other platform to get all the version of it, they can find me there For my book. They're hosted on wwwdemodivinecom. That's the website of my book. It's hosted on. But they can find them on Amazon and stuff. But to go to that website you can see the books on there too, but yeah, that's the platform. You can find me on Instagram asherrasta for Instagram. Yeah, that's what you can find me Cool.

Mikita : 47:40

Okay, and for those if you were trying to write that down, do not worry, I will have all of Asher's information in the show notes so you can connect with him. And I just want to wrap this up with an affirmation I embrace the journey of change, trusting in my strength and resilience to overcome obstacles and grow with every step I take. Asher, thank you so much for sharing your time with us. This has been so much fun.

Asher: 48:08

Yes, the tea time. And attention, I was sipping it all this whole time with you. It was warm tea, by the way, warm tea it was.

Mikita : 48:17

It was some good tea. All right, you guys. That's a wrap. Thank you so much, and don't forget you can join me each and every Tuesday for more delicious hot tea. Until next time, namaste.