Ep 110 Embracing Growth and Sisterhood with Joanna & Keisha

In our latest podcast episode, we dive into the real talk about being a woman, the ups and downs, and the growth that often goes unnoticed. 

This Women's Month, we're bringing in Joanne, a friend who's just about to hit a big birthday, to share her real-life story of personal growth and moving beyond past challenges to grab hold of her future. 

Her experiences, along with our own, are sure to motivate you to put yourself first and find value in the quiet yet impactful victories we achieve.

This isn't just a time to reflect; it's a shout-out to women everywhere to support each other in all aspects of life, especially at work. We'll get into how being your true self at work can make a big difference in your career. 

Keisha will join us to talk about the importance of setting limits and how tough times can shape our relationships. We'll share touching stories about our families and the women who guided us, aiming to shed light on how we can grow, understand more, and build a strong community of women who lift each other up. 

Tune in to celebrate the complex journey of womanhood and the shared experiences that connect us.

Transcript

Sisterhood and Self-Reflection

Speaker 1 0:00

So that's when the blessings became tests , and it became either a blessing or a burden and I had to kind of decipher is it hurting me or is it helping me ? Can I use this for somebody else , even though this ain't my storm ? Can I go through this storm and still come out on the other side with a more graceful approach of how to handle it , if it came back around , because it's going to rain again ?

Speaker 2 0:25

Hey there , I'm Makita , a small town girl with dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true . On my podcast , time for Tea with Makita , we chat about living life unapologetically , on your terms , from career advice , entrepreneurship , relationships and everything in between . This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration . If you're looking for connection , then you've found it here . Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations . So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy , because this is time for Tea with Makita , and the tea is definitely hot .

Speaker 2 1:12

Ever feel like you need a super power boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind ? Well , say hello to your new inspiration hotspot , the Tuesday Tea Newsletter . You're a weekly infusion of big thinking energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice . Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at BeautifullyUnbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level . Welcome back .

Speaker 2 1:40

It is definitely time for some tea . I'm your host , makita . First of all , I just want to say thank you for sharing your time , your space and , of course , your amazing energy . Now , today's episode is a little different because I wanted to sit down with people that knew me , that have been on a journey with me , and I want to talk to women that understands that the journey is not always paved in gold , but sometimes we have to make the best of it . Sometimes we have to look up to other mentors , that we have to be in sisterhood , that we have to continue to support one another and inspire and motivate each other on our journey . We can't always walk the journey for the people we love , but we can definitely support them throughout the journey .

Speaker 2 2:23

And , in celebration of women's month , I really wanted to have a real conversation on what it's like to be a woman , some of the obstacles we overcome , and also look at some of the people that continue to inspire us and motivate us throughout the journey . So , joanne , I welcome to time for tea . Thank you so much , thanks for having me .

Speaker 3 2:47

I'm excited .

Speaker 2 2:50

So I know we as women like to define ourselves by so many different titles . We are mothers , we are wives , we are sisters , we are a lot of things , but at the end of the day we are just us and I feel like at the core , at the very essence , if someone asks me who I am , I probably would pause for a quick minute or so to think about it . But at the very essence , I am the daughter of my father , of the most high . I am light , I am giving , I am love . When you think about yourself , if you have to tell people who you are at the core , how would you introduce or describe yourself ?

Speaker 3 3:44

I would start probably the same way you know first and foremost , being a child of God , because without him , you know , things are not possible . If I had to go a little bit further , I would probably say that I am resilient , and taking obstacles and turning them into lessons learned .

Speaker 2 4:11

Yeah , I like the fact that you said resilient , because sometimes we don't count the victories and the wins along the way . It's easy to look at all the things that went wrong , all the things that we made mistakes at . You know the tough path . But when we really start to look at the wins , all the things that were put in our path , that we turned what they say turning sugar from shit to sugar , that's sugar cheat . Yeah , it's making us eliminate our limits , but we do it all the time and sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for it . Absolutely so , on your journey where you're at now , would you have expected yourself to be on this particular journey , because I feel like we're always involved ?

Speaker 3 5:07

I'm just saying no . Actually , I sometimes sit back and reflect , you know , and I'm thankful and grateful for where I am in my journey , but I feel like right now I'm being held back , and the only person that's holding me back is me . You know , I'm putting everybody else first the children , husband , mom , you know , niece's , nephews , and now you just have to take some time for yourself , and this is my journey . I just turned 39 . So 39 is about me . The last year of my 30s . I'm making progress for myself , and that's what I have to do .

Speaker 2 5:49

I like the fact that you , you know , first of all , we be having these conversations a lot . You know we do . We have these conversations a lot . We're just having it now on a different platform . But I feel the same way Sometimes . I just feel stuck and I know that it's just me , like I'm in my own head and I feel like I'm in a I know people like to say seasons , but I'm going to say I'm in an era now , a new era of letting go and facing a lot of those fears , because I can't keep hiding behind my husband , my kids , my work , my situation . Eventually , I just have to kind of look at myself and say , all right , keto , what's up , what you gonna do .

Speaker 3 6:37

Absolutely . I just made a post on Facebook for my birthday and I basically just said like 39 , I'm letting go . Letting go of the disappointment , you know , letting go of the pain and anger , you know , once you let go of some of the things , it takes some time , but once you let go of some of those things , then maybe you could see clearly and say hey , you know , I've I've put everybody else before me . Now it's time for me to focus on me and and hopefully you have the support system where they can support which direction you're trying to go in and redirect you if you get off track . So you know , I'm definitely looking forward to this year , what it brings for me .

Speaker 2 7:20

I like . I like the fact that you mentioned having support , because that's I think that's what sisterhood is all about . Sometimes you're not necessarily born into a family of sisters , because I don't have any sisters , but I have found my own sisters in you and all the other women that I connect with . And my circle is small when it comes to sisterhood , but I still support people that I feel like connect with me , like in support doesn't always look the same . Sometimes it's just a text to check in a post on Facebook where you just respond back to let somebody know you're not alone . It can look different when you think about sisterhood because you have sisters and I'm always envious of people that have sisters because I don't know what that necessarily really feels like . But do you think having sisters and having that bond with them kind of like helps you show up for other people and other women in your space ?

Speaker 3 8:29

It's a two part . It's a two part because I'm the oldest , so you know having sisters is a good thing because it makes you more . You always have first best friends . I guess you know you do things together and even having brothers like you being the only girl , you probably know exactly what I'm talking about being able to do hair , or this is my child holding on your hip or whatever . But in that process also me being the oldest is like . Sometimes people see me and they're like , oh , was she the oldest or she strong . But sometimes I need my sisters just as much as they need me and I'll be like you know , you see me , you see me married , you see me with children . And then you know one sister is like oh well , you know , I want that .

Speaker 3 9:24

And then I'm looking at them like , oh no , you know , I want that . I want to know what it feels like to not be married or to not have you know , those type of issues . But I have them on a different platform . I guess it's very interesting because , like somebody will say , well , you can't give me that advice because you're a hypocrite . And I'm like , oh wait , oh , I'm not trying to be a hypocrite , I'm just trying to , you know , direct you and tell you what it looks like .

Speaker 3 9:56

So I have the hard time with being a sister and then being a mom , like sometimes you just need your sister , like no judgment , just reason . But we have to say that , you know , before we have that conversation , because if not , I'm gonna be like telling you girl , no , you got to get it together and you got to do this , you got to do that . But ultimately I'm gonna say the last three years , maybe I've learned to listen and not be that person , because I don't have that person . I am the oldest , so I don't have that person . So , you know , coming to work , meeting you , meeting people on my old job and , you know , building that bridge and that bond with them , that's really the only thing I really had . You know , as far as I had an older female cousin but she was older than she started doing other things , but I didn't have that platform to like go and hey , sis , you know at night time that somebody older than me that experienced it before me . So yeah , I struggled with that part of being the sister versus being the protector .

Speaker 2 11:05

Oh , yeah , I think for me , I struggled with , I guess , making sure that I continue to show up , because we move so much that any time that I would create bonds with people that I feel like , oh , we could be friends forever , we would move to a new location , we would start a new school , and I just never knew what that looked like , would have in long-term friendships that you put in work to keep it going . And it's sort of just like being in a marriage right , you have to put in work to keep friendships alive and keep them going . So I feel like in this era , that I'm being intentional about the friendships and the relationships that I form and making sure that I show up the best of the way I can , because my love language is different , so it's going to look a little bit different , but I know how I want someone to show up for me . I try to remind myself to be that person for the next person that I want to continue to form and build relationships with . But it is different , though it is different . But you know what

Empowering Women Supporting Each Other

Speaker 2 12:22

One question you asked me ?

Speaker 2 12:22

I never understood why you asked me that when we first met , because I just loved your energy . You were just one of those people that if you was thinking that you said it , I didn't have to worry about what type of person you were . It was . This is me , and I felt like in my life I've always had to conform to whoever people needed me to be or wanted me to be , because we moved so much . So I would always wait for someone else to give me an idea of who they wanted me to be , who they wanted me to show up as , and then I would be that person , which sometimes really wasn't authentic . But now I'm just like this , is it you asked me ? You said are you always like this ? Do you remember asking me that I didn't know what you meant ?

Speaker 3 13:10

I didn't know I was like oh , I'm so glad you got to see me .

Speaker 2 13:14

I don't want to later on show her I'm not really that nice .

Speaker 3 13:18

No , it was just your common spirit , because I had . You know , I've never since working with you , it's like grace , it's like you remind me that or showed me that there is peace . You know , and you can be going through something and you could still show . You know that , hey , although I'm going through this , I don't have to show it , I don't have to wear it , and I remember I didn't actually that because I'm like , hey , like every morning .

Speaker 3 13:52

You know , when I first started , I was going through and making changes in my life . I had lost my grandmother transition with a new job . So I was scared of the unknown , but I had to step out on faith with it because it was time for me to move and make decisions for me personally , and that was all for me . It wasn't for my husband , it wasn't for my children , that was a decision that I made for me . So , actually , like being scared , leaving the job , taking a pay cut , and I remember having that uncomfortable conversation with my husband about you know , money , how are we going to figure this out ? So when I first started there , I was scared because here I am , leaving a job , probably making five or six dollars less . How is this going to work for me .

Speaker 3 14:47

I don't like the people . I had to step out . I don't even like these people . I'm over here . You know I don't take a pay cut to come over here and I don't even know these people . They might not even like me , you know , the energy was a little bit weird and different there , so but I embraced it and so once I met you and you know you were talking to me and I'm like she ain't like this every day , because I ain't never seen nobody that's like , oh , in the storm , even come . Hey , good morning .

Speaker 3 15:21

I'm like , okay , I'm a people person , but you know she and people push her . So you know , she's reminded me that I have to be calm and patient to myself . I'm glad , I'm thankful for you because you know , without those moments I'd be like good morning , you know , angry , oh my God . She always got an attitude . Oh my God , you never smile . And now it's like you can come to work . It's okay to smile , it's okay to be happy , Even when you're hurting , because you show me that there's always a calm in any storm , regardless of what you're going through . That's how we're gonna have some lunch dates , honey .

Speaker 2 15:58

Well , you know what ? Sometimes y'all keep me smiling because every day I don't feel it , every day I don't want to talk , every day I don't want to show up . But I'm so thankful , especially when I come in there and you be like , you ain't giving no hug , you left out this job and you didn't say bye and that was absolutely called you out . So those are reminders for me to also show myself grace in moments where I'm not my best and I'm showing up anyway , because whatever's going on in my personal life when I come to work , always remind myself that you know this has nothing to do and I don't want to take my anger or my frustrations or my hurt out on anyone else , and I'm usually very honest , especially for people that work with me in the back . Always tell them honey , I'm not , for today , I don't feel like it , like I just don't feel like it .

Speaker 3 16:56

But that's still a little different , though that looks different when you say it . It's not like I'm gonna tell you right now I'm not dealing with this crap today . You know , you still say it with grace and it's like we still , at the end of the day , were like , girl , we got eight hours , honey , we're gonna get through . This is gonna be a great day , you know . And before we know it , hey , it's lunchtime . After that we go and we start in the clinic and then , guess what ? Now it's time to go home . I love you girls . See you tomorrow .

Speaker 3 17:24

Yeah , and it's just like you know , being able to uplift each other in those moments which we didn't have , that all the time that's our safe space . You know we spend more time together at work than we do at home with our whole family . So you know we've worked with some people and a lot of two and a half years that I've been there that made it very difficult to maneuver a little bit , that's true . But you know we make it work as women . You know we're like okay , we're mothers , we're wives , we're sisters . Somebody always wants something from us . But when we're at work , all we gotta do is show up , and by showing up , we balance each other out for the day . You know , there's not really . We have the negative moments , but we don't . We just gracefully say we're gonna have a good day girl .

Speaker 2 18:16

I would say for that I would have to credit my mother . I think we all have like mentors . Sometimes we have people that we look up to that we may not personally know , but maybe we tune into . I would say Sarah J Roberts is one of my mentors because I listened to her and actually that's thanks to you and a couple other people that kept on saying you listen to Sarah J Roberts and I was like no , but when I started she became a big mentor and my mom has always been a big mentor and she's always talked to me about basically always looking at the glass half full , growing up , listening to gospel in the morning and also for her , just being the light Cause .

Speaker 2 18:58

I saw my mom struggle and go through hard times and still find a way and in those times I don't know how she did it , cause I was just thinking like I don't know how you're making this happen , because I probably would have fell a pieces and just seeing her journey from you know , raising five kids after losing her husband like having a three month old and a one year old and your oldest child being eight and your husband just died and you still gotta pick up . You still gotta keep going . People still got it . You gotta feed and clothe these kids and make it through , and you did it . And you still are good to other people , cause my mom is one of the nicest people in the world . You can ask her for her shirt and she'll take it off and be like here you go , honey , and it would make me so mad because I can't stand it .

Speaker 3 19:50

But we all have these people .

Speaker 2 19:52

I'm actually blessed to do it , yes , but you always have these people that are mentors , that sometimes they don't realize that you are learning something from them . Even I learn from you every day to be my authentic self , and I think that's what you teach me to just show up every day and be authentically me and whatever version that looks like , while still holding all the things that poorly make me me . Go ahead . Keisha time , ian , honey . So I have Keisha with us today as well . She's known me for quite some time and , honey , we've had some conversations that , oh my gosh like I just can't even begin to say how thankful I am for the women that have been in my life . So , keisha , if you're ready , go ahead .

Speaker 3 20:51

Keita .

Speaker 3 20:51

While we're waiting on her , I wanna piggyback off something you said about your mom and just being able I think I was probably 18 , 19 , getting to meet her at my first job and like who is this lady ? You know like a whole nother . You now understand where you get it from . Once I felt that she was your mom , but you were talking about how watching her and seeing her happen to put it together for you guys after your dad died , and you know that took me to a place where , with my mom , you know , when you're young you're like I don't understand . Like why are you doing this or why are you allowing that or why are you doing this ? But now that we're older , we have children , we have husbands , you can really see why things had to happen the way that they happened .

Speaker 3 21:46

And you didn't understand then and like maybe said , oh , I'm never gonna do that . And guess what honey you done already , did it 20 times before you know it . And you're asking yourself , well dang , you know it's almost like a disappointment to yourself because you're allowing something that you said you know you would not allow . But you have to look at it differently . And they did it , and they did it with Grace . They did it with Grace , they did it with Faye , but like my mom had five . Your mom had five to write .

Empowering Sisterhood Through Shared Experiences

Speaker 3 22:18

You're the only girl , so you know what that looks like . And I'm the oldest , and you're the youngest .

Speaker 2 22:23

I'm the youngest , I'm the last of the Mohicans , the only girl . I'm the youngest girl and the only girl .

Speaker 3 22:29

I thought it was a boy under you . Okay . So you , the whole princess . Did you know where I'm the whole big dragon ? Because I got to take care of the five , but you the youngest of five . So , oh my God , you got four older brothers . That is so crazy because I'm sure the way I was looking , with having to take care of four people and you being the youngest with four brothers , I can't begin to imagine what that was like .

Speaker 2 23:01

I mean , I was not no princess so I need to read fun and do over , because growing up with boys like it's tough , because boys have to be strong and my mom was in the space of being strong to get through , so you had to . You got through with Grace and my mom was always kind and loving , but you had to be tough , and tough ain't my strongest suit .

Speaker 3 23:36

I can't tell if I need to do it . Well , Well .

Speaker 2 23:39

I will say I can handle hard things , but I'm very emotional . My mom always said this I wanted to go into military . My mom was like you are not cut out for the military . You gonna cry as soon as they yell at you .

Speaker 2 23:52

But like I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot of the times , so people that know like I can be very , very , very emotional . I love saying like just expressing love and sharing my feelings , and that was not always accepted , but I think it was a good thing because I made my brothers also share their feelings .

Speaker 3 24:17

Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2 24:21

So who is your mentor ?

Speaker 3 24:26

I'm gonna have to say my mom too . Well , I got two . I'm gonna say my mom , but I'm also gonna say my grandmother . Good morning , Keisha .

Speaker 1 24:39

Good morning . How are we ? Greetings and salutations . I'm so sorry for my tardiness . I know Kita had called me prior and was asking about you know the important , the family dynamics . I know what kind of drove me life . You tend to grow up with people and then you kind of life , life and separate and you really don't really know where you stand with people until life gets the life in again and when she reached out to me .

Speaker 1 25:11

I said , girl , you know I love feed off of that . I want everybody to eat at my table . I mean , that's my people pleaser . I love to kind of maneuver the difference of . Sometimes you have to realize everybody don't have to eat at your table , you do not have to feed everybody . You know what I'm saying . One something is like crabs in a pot .

Speaker 2 25:35

Let me just first of all , you came on here and dropped so many gems in like 10 seconds and like I couldn't even find words to say because I was just in here soaking it all up , especially you talking about blessings and burdens , and I'm like I should write that down because I got to use that later . But I just want to say , because we're at the time , that you know we knew each other and it was . It's been like a several years since we talked and when we did link back up it was like no time had passed and I can remember , like going through some of my hardest moments and toughest times , that you were the person I confided in and stuff I didn't ever tell anyone about . And I remember when you gave me that copy of that Mary J Blight CD you don't know , you saved my life that CD but I'm telling you like it was just like , oh my God , at a time I needed it like words of wisdoms , when I needed someone .

Speaker 1 26:44

Baby . You had a way like um , I'm sorry , I don't see the names on , let me see what baby girl with Joe , anna , okay , Hi , joe , and my name is Keisha . How are you my emotionally ? I'm sorry , I'm all over the place the way I actually married her cousin , but our relationship had nothing to do with them being related . It was just she was the youngest , she was the only girl . She had a way of explaining these . As I tell people , girl , if you can dummy it down to make me understand it , I can explain it to somebody else to help them . That's , that's just me is not saying I'm dumb in any way or nobody else . Is just is the simplest form . Yeah , and once you can do that . So my oldest daughter is 28 .

Speaker 1 27:39

She used to like to read . She was about 15 years old and all Kita was they read , or Kita's actually . Family actually got me to reading . And , baby , all you got to do is find a book that you can relate to and all the rest of it come right on in . Once you read your first book , you might oh , I'm fine , you read a second time . You'll go through it even faster . You're like , oh , and you pick up just like , right .

Speaker 1 28:10

Watching a movie , you pick up on things that you you reading it , but you ain't in embedding it all . Read that a second . I'm not sure what I'm going to do . It was cute but she ended up giving a door my daughter a book that I related to I saw no girl , you can read this the first page . They was dropping booty and drugs and all I'm whoa , whoa . Kita gave it to me . Oh yeah , I'm gonna have to handle that . We're gonna have . We're gonna have to do some PG 13 first . We can't just go straight to the streets . But because of that first page , we got to engage in a relationship .

Speaker 1 28:51

See , I wasn't a reader . I didn't like to read . I could watch a movie . Somebody explain it to me that sitting there for me . I didn't have the imagination to be able to engage in a story like that , but life will give you that imagination and the people that you need to push you into that element .

Speaker 1 29:14

I think that's what key to was for me , because reading is definitely fundamental . It's definitely a way of taking yourself out of , is like an out of body experience for me , and if I can relate to it , then I can put it in my own understanding and it's like a friendship . Okay , yeah , my friend will do that . Nothing work , I will for her . Why am I that crazy and gullible to be ? Not can keep doing this . What am I doing to myself ? You talk to Jesus .

Speaker 1 29:43

You read your book ? Yeah , it balances out , and for me that was a good thing because it was something that I could use , that could help me with my growth , and I didn't have to be bothered by nobody else understanding of it , because , see , people tend to put their beliefs on you and if you're not as mentally capable to decipher , okay , baby , just because you went down that street , as long as if I go down the other street , we can still make it to the ocean . You know , I don't have to go the same way you went . Just because you went that way and just because that work for you , that don't mean it's going to work for me .

Speaker 2 30:24

You know , same thing happened with me . I didn't learn how to listen until end of 2022 . I was in the hospital for almost five days , blood transfusion , sick as a dog . It was bad and I couldn't talk and I had to listen . I had to listen to Sam , I had to listen to my mom , I had to listen to my girls and I couldn't say anything . And it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me , because for the first time , I was able to hear what they didn't say by their body language , by the expressions , and all the time .

Speaker 2 30:59

Sometimes I think Sam is like like , why are you so loud ? Like are you upset ? And it's like he is so concerned , he is so worried and this is how he does it . But it was the first time I could not just listen to what he say , but feel what he says , and my kids and my mom , and that was my reminder as I went into 2023 . I said I'd be more intentional , which means more intention about shut my mouth and listen and and be in that person . That that's there , versus always trying to tell somebody else something . But now I can listen , I feel like we're in that we're creating this new generation of sisterhood and community , and I feel like , as each of us go out and continue to bond with other women and with other people , that's how we pass the knowledge , by having the conversations that empower everyone . Thank you , guys so much . This was such an amazing conversation .

Speaker 3 32:03

Thank you so much Before we get in . Can I say something , something that Keisha said ? It really stuck out . She said I add value to people . I know that I add value to people . And she also talked about taking every burden . And then I said you know , we deal with burdens and sometimes we dwell in them , but we have to start taking those burdens , turning them into lessons . I'm also saying how she said you know taking every burden , and sometimes we take those burdens and we stay in that moment , but what we need to do is take those burdens and turn them into lessons . That way we can take the seed and plant it with the flower at the end . I mean , she's at some real point , honey .

Speaker 3 32:55

Yes ma'am , she should thank you because you gave me summer .

Speaker 2 33:01

All right , you guys . That is all the tea that I have to spill today , but guess what ? Join me each and every Tuesday for more delicious hot tea and do me a favor , Stop by and leave a review and let's connect on social . You can find me at MakedaSmith underscore on Instagram . All right , you guys . Until next time , namaste .