Shaping Your Destiny with Mychael King

Ever wonder how to actually build the life you’ve always wanted? Meet Michael King, a mental health coach who’s all about making big changes. He joined us to break down how you can turn your dreams into something real. We talked all about growing as a person, like picking up habits that move us forward and ditching the ones that drag us down. Michael's own journey from Midland to Omaha really shows what it means to transform yourself and chase after those big goals by mastering yourself first.

Join us as we dive into the world of self-discovery. Michael shared his three-step game plan—correct, function, perform—that he swears can shake up any part of your life. Whether you’re stuck in a rut or gunning for the top of your field, he’s got a plan for you. We also chat about how important it is to build supportive spaces and have patience as our stories unfold.

Show Notes
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Let's Chat

Wrapping up our chat, Michael and I got deep into how the choices we make about where we hang out can really shape our future. We talked about finding places where we feel valued and how tough times can actually lead to better things. We closed our conversation with a call to live boldly, embrace the changes that make us stronger, and inspire others to do the same. Tune in and let our stories and tips spark your own path to growth and change.

Chapters

• 0:00 Creating the Life You Want
• 4:38 Personal Discovery and Self-Reflection
• 19:58 Navigating Personal Growth and Relationships
• 30:42 Creating Growth Through Humility and Listening
• 40:46 The Power of Intention and Environment
• 50:10 Creating Real Change Through Communication
• 1:00:42 Empowering Change Through Conversations

Transcript

Mychael King: 0:00

I go through my process. I identify what it is that I want in my environment. Then I identify what I don't want in my environment. What are some of the traits that have been toxic for me in the past? So, like going through hardships and trials, they'll tell you what you don't want in your environment.

Mikita Smith: 0:18

Hey there, I'm Makita, a small town girl with dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, time for Tea with Nikita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you've found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard-to-have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is Time for Tea with Nikita and the tea is definitely hot.

Mikita Smith: 1:08

Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot the Tuesday Tea Newsletter, your weekly infusion of big thinking energy that'll propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea newsletter today at beautifullyunbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea. I am Makita. Thank you so much for sharing your time, your space and your energy with me today as we explore today's conversation.

Mikita Smith: 1:42

We're talking about creating the life you want to live in, and it reminds me of this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that said the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams and honestly, I don't think that could be even more true today. So I want to welcome today's guest, michael King. He is a dedicated father, author and mental health coach who combines his rich background in exercise, science and health services to empower individuals at Coach King 1989 LLC. Michael's journeys from Midland Michigan to impacting lives in Omaha, nebraska embodies his mission, and his statement is one that, as I was saying it and listening to it, I was just like how true is this when we're talking about creating the life you want to live in? His slogan is make real change. Make change real. So, michael, welcome and thank you real.

Mychael King: 2:49

So, michael, welcome and thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm just so honored to be a part of your podcast. I mean, we're family, right, so this is just amazing. So thank you.

Mikita Smith: 2:57

And that's true. We are family and it's just amazing. As I was sitting there talking to Sam, we've been watching your videos and they're so like, inspiring, and every time I listen to you talk it's always like I'm learning something you know, and what keeps people coming back is the fact that they're getting information to help them with their growth and evolution and transformation, and I feel like you embody that.

Mychael King: 3:26

Yeah, thank you. It actually comes from a personal discovery of myself, learning to master myself, learning who I am, who I am, who God created me to be, and becoming that. I often pray Lord, let me be who you see me as. Who do you see me as? That's who I want to become, and the inspiration is not like it's intentional, it's just I'm talking and trying to inspire myself. So if I can inspire myself first and trying to inspire myself, so if I can inspire myself first, I know I can inspire someone else. And the intention is really to help me get through times in my life. I've challenged myself to reflect on everything that I do every day and that's helped me build charisma, confidence and actually kind of look inward a lot, and self-reflection is one of those tools that we use to build our emotional intelligence, and so I do a ton of reflection. I am, if you were to do like a personality assessment, I'm a person that can go either way, like I can be introverted or I can be extremely extroverted, and I found out that they call me the quiet enthusiast. So a person I'm not going to be the person that's going to be, try to be the center of attention and I'm not going to be the person that's going to be completely reserved. I'm going to be the person that, if you ask me something, oh, you're going to get straight up, talk, talk, talk, talk. I'm going to talk your ear off, but also, in a room full of people who are extroverts, I will tend to listen and observe. So I'm the quiet enthusiast that explains me. So, some of the negative not negative um, some of the some of the negative um, not negative traits, but some of the things that might off put people is they don't know how to read a person like me. They might think that I don't like them. They might think that I'm like outstanding or offstanding, but really I'm just listening. I really am, um, just trying to understand who they are. I'm trying to read the room and I know that about myself. And I think that brings me back to the point of when you're trying to create something or you're trying to inspire somebody to do something, you have to know who you are. That's so important.

Mychael King: 6:00

This personal discovery didn't happen just by happenstance when I moved out to Omaha. This personal discovery didn't happen just by happenstance when I moved out to Omaha, um, I gave, I became a part of a church. That that's what they do. Um, you know, we talk about the kingdom. Um, dr Martin, um, and a bachelor's worship center shout out to them, um, our lead pastor, pastor Joshua, they just they're all about environment, developing people.

Mychael King: 6:21

So, by happenstance, you go and you join some spiritual place that does that. You will begin to do that as well. And so when I signed up for Shake the Nations, I went into. It's a conference they do every year in the fall and it's about deploying, and then also what's the other one? You know what? It's okay, it'll come to me, I swear, I swear, I swear. Still morning time, my brain's waking up, but yeah, it's literally three days and you basically just discover who you are, discover your mission statement, personal mission statements, how do you want to lead your family? How do you want to lead your finances? I go to a church where they ask those questions all the time, because the kingdom of God is-.

Mikita Smith: 7:21

And it challenges you to answer them.

Mychael King: 7:23

Yes.

Mikita Smith: 7:24

Because it's funny, because, uh, sam used to ask me this question all the time he would say, if you could start a business, um, and you know what would it be. And the first time he said it I was like, well, how are you asking me that? Like I have no in my mind. I had nothing that would anyone would would want to, like, purchase anything from me. Like, how would? I can't make anything, I don't really cook, okay, but I don't know if I can make a living off of it. You know, like I can't.

Mikita Smith: 7:52

So, like it was just like, and he just kept like, every once in a while he would ask me that question and unknowingly, subconsciously, I was thinking about it. Like what would I do If I could start my own business, if I could do anything in this world, what would I want to do? And it started this whole. Like you say self-reflection, sitting with yourself asking yourself those questions. Like you know, how do I see myself, what's my mission statement, how do I want to be financially in the future? Like, what legacy or what teachings we want to share with our kids and what people we want around us in our space? Like, what type of energy is that? And you start to really look at your life in a different way.

Mychael King: 8:36

Absolutely and like personally personal discovery, I think. I think there's a lot of keys. You need people. I didn't understand the importance of submission and submitting myself to elders, people who are wiser than me, leadership coaches. So at STN, dr Martin challenged us with those questions of discovery and in that I found out that I had such a barrier Because once you hit a certain age I think above the age of like 12 or something like that everything that you've learned already it's just hard developmentally. It's just hard developmentally. I'm also reading this book.

Mychael King: 9:24

I read a book called Immunity to Change and what they say is, as you grow, your mental capacity starts to plateau. So you get to these certain areas and points in your life and you start to plateau on what you are actually able to absorb and we have to actually challenge ourselves to actually break those plateaus. Same thing in weightlifting you can get so strong and then all of a sudden you hit this point where you just can't go anymore. Our bodies are naturally protective, our minds are naturally protective. There's a lot of things that we do. I don't know. Our mechanism is to protect any kind of pain In order to push past plateaus.

Mychael King: 10:07

It's painful, so literally to have to discover who I am. I had to go back to years and pretty much look at everything that I have been doing subconsciously. What have I subconsciously been doing for the past 30 years? And that was painful. That was so painful to have to decide on that. That was the last D, by the way, is decide. So it's discover, decide and then deploy your talent. So we had to. We go through this whole thing at STN. So, if anybody's out there listening, come to Omaha, nebraska, sign up for Shake Nations. That's my shameless plugs. Sorry, I didn't know, I didn't tell you about that, but that was going to do that Anyway. So, anyway, once you discover, then you decide.

Mychael King: 10:59

And so I had to make this decision in my brain and said, hey, who, who am I and what is it that I do? And it was all helter skelter at first. But I looked at you know, what was I really good at? What is my talents, what are my strengths? Um, and I had been a personal trainer for 10 years and and I had to, like, dive into what made me a good trainer.

Mychael King: 11:23

You know, people always said what do people say? What do I think? You know, whenever you look at something, you have to look at it from a holistic standpoint. So like. That's hard. If you only see yourself from one particular mindset, if you only see yourself from what people tell you, that's a socialized mindset. Society will dictate who you are. That is a very dangerous place to be. For years I operated in that my early years, adolescence to parts of college. People tell you oh, your mom even tells you you're going to be a doctor. Ooh, look at my baby, she got the doctor's hands or he got the doctor's hand. Our parents socialize us right. They tell us who we're going to be and we don't even realize it. So in our minds we have this area of potential. We're trying to live up to what their expectations are and oftentimes I mean I'm preaching to parents, I'm preaching to children and even adults who are still trying to please their parents. I'm still trying to make my parents happy but, now it's not making them happy.

Mychael King: 12:45

It's different. It's different now that I've discovered that, because now that I've discovered that, I realized they were just throwing out options, but they were throwing out the best options. A doctor is the highest you can get right. They want you to to shoot for the moon. I think. I think, now that our world has changed and now that we've become more educated, I believe, now that I know that I can now parent my son to say listen, if you're going to be a police officer, try to be the chief, go from the top. What does it take to be at the very top? Because obviously we want to be successful at what we do, but we also also want to be the best at what we do. Yeah, and I think you know it's funny.

Mikita Smith: 13:31

You said that because I told my daughter she's in college right now, my youngest and I said you know you may not see the career that you want out here, but that doesn't mean you can't create it. Think outside the box. You can create the career that you want. It doesn't have to have a name. Give it a name. Think about it. You can do whatever. Give it a name and it's yours.

Mychael King: 13:58

So God made us in this image and his likeness. So when we speak something and we proclaim something, there's power in that. So encouraging your kids to say what it is that they want is empowerment. So that's the first part of my tagline. But first you have to change the mindset. And that's what you did with your daughter. You said make real change, make real change, make real change, make real change. I said my son, make real change, son. But then you got to make it real to you. And when you change that state and you get a reciprocal, you make it real to them the mentality to make real change. So it's so powerful, your words. That is where you want to start.

Mychael King: 14:56

But I take a step further and go even deeper. It starts with your thoughts. It starts with your thoughts. So your thoughts dictate what comes out of you and if you can learn to craft and master your thoughts, you will conquer yourself. You know, in the Bible they talk about the battle between the flesh and the spirit and being led by the spirit. And then also, you know, jesus said repent, or John the Baptist said repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand, right. Well, when I came into Omaha and when I came into rededicating my life to Christ, I realized that this word repent means change your mind, change direction. And so I've also heard a definition of sin is just missing the mark. We often look at it as a fleshly or carnal, but it's just missing your purpose, missing what direction God is trying to put you. And I also want to take it a step further. Sin is also spelled. Exactly the same sign of something is just an angle off of the, off of a straight direction.

Mychael King: 16:15

So if you look at the sign right way to look at it it's just, yep, you just, you, just, it's off focus, you're not, you're straight. So when Jesus said, straight is the way, literally straight, like you. Straight is the way it's direct, right, there's no teetering back and forth, the sin is like literally the sign off of an adjacent corner. Right, it's like literally an angle that you take. So I was just like, wow, blew my mind, but also not just power, I think also Dr Martin's crones. I'm going to steal it from him. He said ignorance is our worst enemy and really getting to know who you are discovering those things, deciding, and I think I want to. We're talking about creating an environment that you want to live in. I think we start with personal discovery. Once you know yourself, then you can decide on what you want to take.

Mychael King: 17:21

And I chose mental health coaching because I've been doing a lot of personal training. I know how to get someone's physical right, but I had to dive deeper into how I did it. What was my process of doing that? And I educate. So one of my gifts is really because I'm a knowledge junkie. I eat on just random facts. People are like man, why do you know so much stuff? Like I don't know, I just get into it, you know, and so because of that I know in all our family we come from a family of teachers too. So I know my mother's side. We're school teachers all the way in the in, all up and through the bloodline. So they're all teachers.

Mychael King: 18:06

I inherited it. I'm sorry, you know I've inherited that and that's also part of knowing who you are. Like I knew. I knew I had teachers in my family, so I took a personal training route of teaching and educating them with the goal that they didn't need me anymore. The goal was to train a person so that they could do this for themselves by themselves. I feel like if you needed me, I wasn't doing my job.

Mikita Smith: 18:36

Yeah.

Mychael King: 18:38

I wanted to teach myself. So I wanted to teach my clients to the point where I was irrelevant, because independence is survival for them. You know what I mean. I wanted to teach my clients to the point where I was irrelevant, because independence is survival for them. You know what I mean. Like the freedom that they have to make these healthy choices now was the most important to me.

Mikita Smith: 18:55

It wasn't the money, and it's confidence too.

Mychael King: 18:57

Cause I could gouge it yeah.

Mikita Smith: 19:01

And then they get to know who they are through the process and the journey, because it's a journey physical health, mental health it's all a journey of learning something new about yourself and as you evolve um throughout the journey, you learn.

Mychael King: 19:16

It's a it's like a constant evolution, though right like you're constantly evolving you know the constant, the constant evolution within the environment, I mean within your life. That's, that's the conditioning and that's why it's so important to monitor every stage of your being. You know what I mean by his mind, body and soul. You have to monitor that because a lot of stuff that you expose yourself to isn't good for you, a lot of places that you go in your development isn't good for you. Not all change is good, not all change is good. So, because you can have, you could be on a good path, but change your mind and go back into a wrong path. You know it's like people who relapse on addiction, like you know. Let's say you're an alcoholic. Well, you make your mind up, you change right, but then you decide to get back into it and you relapse. Or let's say you've never taken a drink and then the first time you do you're like, oh, it's fine. Or you do some type of hard drug. The next thing you know you're into this path of addiction, that you didn't even realize it. But that was a change. Those are negative changes. So positive changes, those are those things that set your life on the course of your destiny and your purpose. So that's why it goes back to knowing who you are. So you have to always start with ground. One check your foundations first. Start with the ground. One check your foundation, make sure that everything lines up. Then, when you make that decision, now you've decided on which path you want to go, everything has to align itself with that decision that you make in the positive direction and then you can deploy it.

Mychael King: 21:08

And I actually have a three-stage thing that I go through. It's correction, function and performance. So the correction is that first part. It's like finding yourself make that correction, make those changes that you need to make, then function at it. Same thing as making that decision. Now you're functioning, now you're actively working at it. They've gotten to the point of functioning, to the point where you can all right, what's next? What's next? For me? That's that final stage of this kind of process in your life that you're trying to go through. I use also correct function, perform with my athletes or with my clients as well, like I correct any kind of malalignment issues that they have in their body. Like you have faulty issues, like my hamstring's burning. Oh God, what's going on? Well, you know your ankles are off, or like your hips are not aligned, or your posture's bad or you know we have to attack your spinal issues. You know you have low dorsus in your spine. You have extreme kyphosis. This way we have I'm throwing out different languages- but you know it's funny.

Mikita Smith: 22:14

You said you said posture Cause I am constantly all the time checking my posture when I'm sitting, because I know if, if, if I start to let my shoulders start leaning forward or if my back isn't straight, I'm going to pay for it later. So I'm constantly like I don't care whether I work, I'm sitting here behind this mic. I'm like am I sitting up right? Because when you talk about alignment and being aligned, that goes with every step. But I just want to go back, because when you talked about the foundational piece and you was talking about, you know, laying that foundation, getting to know who you are, I think that's the hardest part because it comes with a lot of truths, it comes with a lot of inner work which a lot of people want to skip that part because they feel like you know I'm going to say for everybody, but for some people we don't want to get into like this shame game.

Mikita Smith: 23:17

Or you know, I don't want to necessarily blame myself or rehash old traumas that you know come with some of the territory, rehash old traumas that you know come with some of the territory, but being able to, like you say, understanding the emotional intelligence part, you know it's not about blame, it's not about actual. You know people talk about emotional intelligence but they don't know like it's not about being emotional, it's being able to look at a situation you know as a big picture, without, without all the emotions, and see it for what it is.

Mychael King: 23:50

Yeah, so I kind of want to add to that foundation. Um, most people don't do it because it costs them too much. Um, whether the discovery is an assessment to give you a baseline of what you're thinking about. A lot of those assessments are basically your preferences. They're not absolutes, but they're a starting place. Those assessments get to know how you prefer life and that's, I realized, where I prefer life. I prefer life this way, and if I prefer life this way, now let's apply some of the morality and ethics that I have. And how does that shape and help mold me? Some of that cost is humility too.

Mychael King: 24:43

You know, pride gets in the way a lot of times. We don't really want to know but we long for knowing. Like there's things about me that I don't want to know but I long to know it. Um, and there are things in my environment like I'll share personal things when I was in this space of wanting to create an environment, and how the Holy spirit hit me with that. The Holy spirit said create an environment that you want to live in. With that, the Holy Spirit said create an environment that you want to live in. And I had to first I go through my process identify what it is that I want in my environment. Then I identify what I don't want in my environment. What are some of the traits that have been toxic for me in the past? So, like going through hardships and trials, they'll tell you what you don't want in your environment.

Mychael King: 25:38

Yes, real quick, because you're like whoa, I do not want this. But then there's yeah.

Mychael King: 25:44

Then someplace in the middle you kind of look at some of those traits and you go that wasn't healthy for me and that's me. I'm creating this stuff because my personality I thought was good for me but it's not. And that kind of goes to the evolutionary things and it's okay. We're not going to be perfect people. We're going to make mistakes, but it's learning from those things. Once you learn, you evolve right.

Mychael King: 26:10

So for me, the biggest thing, for me, I'm an athlete and you know what time it is with me. It's time to compete. I want to crush and dominate everything, right, but I learned there's spaces where that's not necessary, like in relationships. You don't have to compete with a spouse, a girlfriend, nothing of that, none of that. Your friends, you don't have to.

Mychael King: 26:32

What are you competing about? What are you about? What are you? What you were, you were made to be yourself, right? Why are we competing? I always felt like I had like, because competition and comparison people separate, but for me it was one in the same, because in order to compete, I have to leverage. I have to leverage this, this comparison of well, I'm more so, I'm stronger than you, and no, but you're faster. So I got to figure out a way I can because he's faster. I got to figure out a way I can change something to do sports. That's what it does to us, okay, and but I'm not going to knock sports because it teaches you how to navigate environments like that in life, because the work environment in sports can be the same, school can be the same in sports. So it taught me how to excel through those things. But in my personal life, do I really need to be like that with my parents? Yeah, or your siblings.

Mychael King: 27:36

Or my siblings? Do I really have to be like that?

Mychael King: 27:39

No no, because in those spaces, those are personal, those are so close and intimate. And if you take competition and comparison in your intimate relationship, okay, I'm going to take it back to the Bible because that's my foundation. Okay, can you imagine in a way and I'm just, this is just some of those out there Job, you know how they said Job. Job was arrogant in a way, your arrogance, and this, that and the other Job forgot who God was. In a way, it was a competition. He tried to. He tried to compete with god about his righteousness. Well, god, I'm so righteous. You know why? Why? Why is all this happening to me? I'm the righteous one, yeah, and he went, went before the judge, but he forget who he's talking to. It's just like like being a child, like we forget who we talk to when our parents yeah like it's not gonna work no, it never does it never.

Mychael King: 28:43

It never pans out. And I think, like that's the thing about our intimate spaces like we cannot, we can't be competing in our intimate spaces, and so I like I post a video. It's a like competition and I kind of chewed on that. I was like I probably lost some people with that one. But as I started to really think about it, so no, like in my intimate spaces I can't be competing to. I mean at time we got to work together yeah, I don't think you lost people.

Mikita Smith: 29:12

I think what you did was challenge people, and sometimes, when I'm challenged, I have to sit on it for a little bit too, because I need to have a few days to see how that shows up in my own life. Or what am I doing? Or, you know, does this, you know, reflect on how I'm using this, like, am I really competing? Am I really like, am I trying to be somebody that I'm not in a space that I don't have to be? You know, like you said, there's a time and a place for everything, but, and like you said, your intimate relationships. I don't have to be that person. I can be vulnerable, you know. I can just be myself, I can be honest and it's okay to be that person.

Mychael King: 29:57

Absolutely. I discovered that vulnerability is strength, and you know me cause I have to learn it kind of difficultly because of this competent, like this competitive nature or this, and it comes off prideful and arrogance and all the same thing. Right, because I'm right. I'm always right, you know, I believe I'm right and I'm going to compete with you that I'm right. Okay, and so, because it's because it and it almost comes off like stubborn, you know, and so vulnerability is is strength too. Um, and being incredibly vulnerable requires humility. You can't be vulnerable without being humble, and humility, for me at times, is just listening, it's not having anything to say.

Mikita Smith: 30:55

It scares people for me, when, when, when I get quiet, people are like what's wrong with you, are you okay? You upset? It's like, no, I'm listening to you, like I'm just trying to show up in this space, in this moment, as a person that's just listening and hearing not just everything that you're saying, but I'm paying attention to body language, all the things that you're not saying, because I'm trying to create this new environment where it's not just me being the one that's talking, but it's me showing you that I see you, I hear you and I'm here for you. I want that environment too, and if I start showing it, then I can create it.

Mychael King: 31:35

Right, might take you off a little path here, but do you remember the principle of the seed and the sower?

Mikita Smith: 31:42

Yes.

Mychael King: 31:45

Matthew, chapter 13. Jesus talks about the seed and the sower and he talks about there's four different types of environments. I like to call it you have the path where the seed falls on the path right, and for me the seed is not necessarily me, but it's my intentions, it's what I intend to do right and they fall on this path.

Mychael King: 32:09

And sometimes you know somebody else will eat your intentions, just like wait a minute. That didn't even have time to grow, just like wait a minute. That didn't even have time to grow, like what? And it's it was the environment that it fell into. It fell into a room where people just eat, eat up your intentions and move about their business right, and sometimes you, your your intentions will fall onto these places that are full of rocks. Right, it's full of rocks, but there's a little bit of dirt there and it'll seep in. But then you know, it'll grow a little bit, but then all of a sudden, the attention just die short-lived, right, because it didn't have any roots.

Mychael King: 32:49

And the third one is monk's thorns. So like the ground is good, but there's other things that are growing in there as well. So like your intentions are there, but it's surrounded by a whole bunch of other intentions, you know. So it just kind of gets lost every, every day when it grows, it gets lost in thorns. But the good soil intention and this I'm talking about listening, still you'll catch it um, the good notice, there's nothing else but just soil there, and I think that just which has hit me.

Mychael King: 33:23

When I heard you say that, I said oh wow, those type of environments, with your intentions or with what it is that you are trying to do, the seed that you're sowing into the ground, those type of environments, the environment itself is conducive for that actual intention. That means it's listening, it's personalized for you. That's the good soil, that's what you know. We could go into church on that one, because that's what God intended for you. That's his space, his environment. He's created for you. That's the Eden that he had for Adam. That's the eden that he had for adam adam.

Mychael King: 33:58

That is the garden that he, that he created for each and every one of us, with the intention of life and so um, if, if we can be conduits of spaces and environments like that for other people, can you imagine how much they will grow?

Mikita Smith: 34:18

Possibilities are endless.

Mychael King: 34:23

They'll develop, they'll grow into trees, and that's what we want. We want long roots and it'll take its time. That's why there's a saying going around now that you only want to speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time. And that's what leadership is. We think leadership is going forth and doing all the work, but it's not. It's not you putting your hands physically on things. It's how you can create spaces in your life. Create these spaces and environments for other people to thrive. It's not about you, and that's humbling for a prideful person.

Mikita Smith: 35:03

That's very humbling for a prideful person, honestly, because when you take out the, take you out of the equation and be intentional about the environment you're trying to set up and the seeds that you're planting and just like any seed, it takes time. You have to nurture the seed. You have to make sure that soil that you're nurturing it in is soil conducive for growth.

Mychael King: 35:33

And developmental process is painful process. It's the most painful thing and it depends on your personality. Some people are so and this is another part like you can get really anxiety, you can have anxiety, you can have depression or you can have, you know, a multitude of different types of things going on, but like people who can't wait right. That's, that's the killer with development, because some people grow quick, their rates of growth is fast because they're just capacities high and they grow right away like dang man, what happened in like two months?

Mychael King: 36:12

because you look at like these, these, these athletes and they just mature at different rates. Like LeBron James came in already a pro he was a pro in high school.

Mikita Smith: 36:22

I remember his first game with Cleveland. It was like he had been playing forever.

Mychael King: 36:27

You're like man, this cat, he can play any position he wants. He can start off as a point guard and then move to a center as he gets older. That's exactly what happened. And you look at these people who develop like that and they were just gifted, blessed by the best, but those who are not. That's the challenge. You can't just put them in the soil and expect them to happen right away. Some of us peak in our like 40s. Look at samuel jackson. You know, you know there's people like that. Don't hit it till late. They're older men. You know older women that are like wow, where have you been violola Davis, where's she been at? She's killing it later.

Mychael King: 37:18

You know what I mean? She's killing it. It's just that it wasn't. It's the whole timing piece, right? There's a timing for everything, and it may not be your time right now, but when it is your time.

Mikita Smith: 37:34

It's your time, it is your time. Yes, I always feel that way and I always feel like, too, like there's some lessons or you know some things I still need to discover or that you may still need to discover, that you maybe some truths that you're not ready to dive into, because you know we have this thing where we want growth and we want change, like you say. You know, because we have this thing where we want growth and we want change. Like you say, we get impatient, but then we want to do it our way as well. I know God told me I should take this path and go this way. I've said I listened, I know what he want me to do, but I go this way. It'll be easier. I don't have to put myself out there as much, I don't have to worry about some of these feelings and these emotions that keep popping up about going the way he told me to go.

Mikita Smith: 38:24

So I think sometimes we have to learn those lessons and we have to have that faith, and not just faith in God, but we have to have faith in ourselves too, because if you don't trust yourself, you don't trust that intuition that he's giving you, then you can't trust the path that he's putting you on. So you got to go back to the foundation of faith and trusting and being willing to be that person that I'm going to be all in. I'm going to trust all in. I'm going to show up all the way, not just halfway. I'm going to trust all in. I'm going to show up all the way, not just halfway. And we talked about you, talked about reading and learning. It's funny because I told someone the other day. I was like you know what I feel like we are one book away, or one person away from having a breakthrough, from having someone say something to us. Whether you're in church, whether it's the stranger whether it's picking up a book, you are one truth away from having an open to the possibility.

Mychael King: 39:28

Yeah, and that's funny because when you go back to the principle of the seed and the sower, the farmer was scattering seed. That means he had intention for everything to grow, but where it landed he didn't have any control over. And so what does that mean? The work either way, it takes some type of work or effort. You can't just sit there. Yeah, I mean you have to deal with your situation as it comes. Also, we can get into this. So every seed that was was was scattered, grew. It served its purpose. It's still. It's still fulfilled its purpose. Right, and even though you may not have control over the environment that you're currently in, you still can grow in that environment. Let's talk about that piece. You still can grow in an environment with a room full of intentions.

Mikita Smith: 40:30

Okay, yeah, that's a good one, Because sometimes you know people let their situations or they feel hopeless in their situations and they feel like you know this opportunity isn't for me, so I would love for you to speak on that.

Mychael King: 40:46

So I often look at the path right, the seed that fell on the path. That seed was for the animal. It wasn't necessarily for the ground or for it to grow. It was for food for that animal. It wasn't necessarily for the ground or for it to grow, as for it, it was for food for that animal that ate it. So it was the intention was for someone else. So the animal grew because it had the calories that the seed provided. Yeah.

Mychael King: 41:13

You know that bird got to live an extra, you know, couple of days or years, you know because that might be the only food it had. So the intention was always good. The rocky places maybe it only needed to serve its purpose for that long. Maybe the purpose was it for it to be in that rocky place, to be the light in that place, but only short-lived it. For it to be in that rocky place, to be the light in that place, but only short-lived.

Mychael King: 41:43

The one full of thorns you're putting good seed in a room full of thorns. So the thorns may learn something from that intention. Yeah, it gets choked out because whatever. But I think that Jesus could have been the seed in the room full of thorns too, because, you look at it, they choked him out, they basically beat him to death. But that was the purpose. You know what I mean.

Mychael King: 42:06

He went in a room full of thorns through Pharisees and Sadducees and they didn't agree and they battled, battled back and forth, to the point Jesus was like, listen, I'm going to go live over here, because even the people in my hometown I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not getting through. So I'm going to go live by the river, in the valley, where it's peaceful for this time, and I'm going to preach the gospel and I'm going to. I'm going to talk about the kingdom of God. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to talk about the kingdom of God here. These people are going to eat it up. They're Gentiles and not even Jews, and that was my good soil place, right. Yeah.

Mychael King: 42:48

So I think the beauty of it is that we have the power to actually change locations. We have dominion to actually change. We have the dominion to actually seek the type of environments that we want to be around, and you know when you're in a good environment. You just know it. We have a saying you are celebrated in those environments and not tolerated in those environments. You know when someone just tolerated you you can feel it.

Mychael King: 43:15

You can feel it. You can feel it down into your elbows, like, oh, I don't know, that person just doesn't like me and you're always thinking of an escape, like can't be here long, right, gotta go find me something else, this ain't gonna work I got another maybe a couple months right.

Mychael King: 43:35

Can you imagine if we lived our lives in a way where we we didn't have to go through that waiting process, like, oh, I'm just going to stay here until something else come? Could you imagine if you immediately hit a room and said, nope, this ain't it, this ain't it. I think maturity happens when you start to realize those environments that are for you and the ones that are not for you.

Mikita Smith: 44:01

And once you get to that maturity, honestly you will walk in that room, in that place and you will say that's okay, I'll pass on this opportunity. Maybe this is somebody else's blessing, but it ain't mine. So good luck, not for me. I've done it. I've done it Like he's like. No, that's okay. No, I'm not going to be in this space.

Mychael King: 44:24

Yeah, and you got to be careful of having like this, this God complex too, like this, this self-righteous complex, where you'll stay in that situation thinking that you can fix it.

Mikita Smith: 44:37

Or nobody's going to run me out of it oh yeah run me off that's you're.

Mychael King: 44:42

You're in thorns. Why are you gonna get choked out? These, it's, it's the masses against you. Like get out of there.

Mikita Smith: 44:48

You are not jesus and and to add to that another thing is um, I like to I think about you is you talked a little bit about our words having that power to manifest and you can speak your intentions or reality, and sometimes we speak something that we are not being intentional about. So when we ask for things and honestly I can say I'm an example of that I've asked to be in places and for things to happen and not being intentional about what it is that I'm looking for, what it is I want, and then you end up in a space that's not for you, that you're just saying things or just doing things without not being intentional about them. Then you get there and you're like, oh, this is not what I asked for.

Mychael King: 45:42

This is not what I wanted. You know, that's kind of. It kind of branches off what I said.

Mychael King: 45:50

The last thing I said is like when I say you're not Jesus, you're not Jesus without Jesus. So in those moments you're going to need Jesus. So in those moments you're going to need Jesus, you're going to need some supernatural to get you through that period. Because you asked for this. Remember life and death is in the power of the tongue, and then if you proclaim something, you ask God, he's going to give it to you when he serves it to you. Now you have to walk through this thing because this is what you wanted, this is what you wanted, and I think sometimes we back out. But there's a blessing in sometimes going through it too, because you learn more of what it is that you don't want in that environment based off of that.

Mychael King: 46:32

But also sometimes, sometimes it's not clear Like you could. You can be in the right environment but feel like you're in the wrong one. Can you imagine being the seed in good soil and just like nothing's happening? Like I'm just sitting in this soil and nothing's happening. Why is nothing happening? You're sitting there baking, oh yeah, all right. Well, guess, god, you put me here. I asked for this place, but man, nothing, nothing's happening. It's just kind of going about life. It's just kind of content most people aren't used to peace that's true it's not used to peace.

Mychael King: 47:19

You think that. You think that everything has to run it'll be hard.

Mikita Smith: 47:25

It doesn't have to be hard.

Mychael King: 47:26

No, it doesn't have to be hard the days are evil, right, they're hard right. But, man, when god really gives you that peace, it's gonna feel like nothing's happening. You know we're not used to that. Covid gave us a glimpse of it and I think it kind of reminded us of we are a little bit too busy as a society.

Mychael King: 47:50

Slow it down. Slow it down Because we've created this system and I'll get off topic with this one but we've created such a system of chaos that we've realized that anxiety is so high amongst everybody. We have leaders that are anxious how can you lead me when you can't even be patient? And then we have leaders that are depressed. How can you lead me when you're? You're so sorrowful all the time, or looking in the past and what was? You have no vision no we're broken.

Mychael King: 48:33

We are the blind leading the blind, because we're literally we're not peaceful we I say we, I'm not talking about everybody, but the people that are suffering, broken and they're given these seats of administration and even in our political, to make decisions for everybody. Who vetted this?

Mychael King: 48:55

Yeah, and that's a lot of broken people there's so many broken people, so many broken people, and then, with the deconstruction of our religion and our morals, the deconstruction of that stuff, um, and our generation is left to try to build it back to some type of standard, and I think we're challenged with what does that standard look like now? And that's why creating this environment you want to live in is so important, because to get people to agree on this is going to be where the work is moving forward. Yes.

Mychael King: 49:32

And now we have so many different changes in our norms. Yes, are different. It's not just black and white anymore. It is blue, green, yellow.

Speaker 3: 49:45

It's the whole colors, it's the whole spectrum. It's so different.

Mychael King: 49:48

Yeah, and you have to know who you are in this and where you stand and what your intentions are and your mission. What's your mission, what's your vision? And if you stand on that, you'll be good to go. We're good to go.

Mikita Smith: 50:10

Well, I must say, this has been such a beautiful conversation but you know, as we close today's episode, I would like to ask you how are you redefining what it means to live life unapologetically, on your terms, when you're talking about creating the life you want? There is a phase of that where you have to be unapologetic about it and just stand in that truthfulness of, yeah, this is what it is. And we talk about change. We are sort of at this point of redefining that change and what that means and what it feels like, what it looks like, and I'm just curious as to how you feel like that is showing up or how you're doing that.

Mychael King: 50:51

Well, make real change. Make change real. The process is beautiful. Empower your mentality to make real change in the world. So that's where that stands. I have to remind myself of that statement every day, Every day when I'm thinking, think about making real changes. Real changes are things that are measurable.

Mychael King: 51:20

How can I measure? It's got to be something that can measure, but it also has to be something that people can accomplish, or that I can accomplish. I can't just do something that I can't accomplish. You know what I mean. It's like me buying a house with no money. I don't even have, I'm not even pre-qualified. What am I looking at houses for? You got to get a pre-qualification first, or you got to have a large down payment, or you got to have the money you know, make it realistic, give it something that you can measure.

Mychael King: 51:52

Um, but to kind of, but to kind of look at like what I'm, you know, personally doing is like I've invested so much into my personal development and that it's painful, I'm kind of sick in a way. I want to be as uncomfortable as I possibly can be without causing anxiety. You know, just kind of a healthy uncomfortability. Sometimes it's unhealthy to just be busy all the time to where it causes anxiety. But no, the cost. I've invested thousands of dollars literally into my personal development. Now you may not have a thousand dollars, but you can definitely look at a YouTube or a podcast or something that's free resources, or a podcast or something that's free resources. I do that too.

Mychael King: 52:41

I spend a lot of my time listening to Tim Ross, dr Ramon Glenn. I spend a lot of time at church. I joined a cohort. I look at military to get some of the political insights. So Sean Ryan, his podcast, td Jakes you know a lot of those people that talk about leadership, but also from a kingdom standpoint, because you know that's just where my foundation is. I can keep naming podcasts, you know, and then and then you know there's a whole, there's a whole plethora of those.

Mychael King: 53:20

I look at it hardly initiated. They talk about relationships from various, various perspectives. There's a lot of different people out there that are doing great work in this space. It's free. It's this free game. If I wanted to build a business, I can go to YouTube and say how do I build a business? And they'll give you a free game. How do I start my business? They give you free game. How do I break down my clips? Free game.

Mychael King: 53:49

So a lot of your personal development has to do with what you expose yourself to as well. So I've really filtered what it is that I expose myself to, and the people too, and certain people, certain environments, and I might spend less time in environments because I don't want to ruin my relationships. Another thing that I've also been intentional about is my communication, how I communicate. I kind of want to touch on that today anyway, because you have to maintain relationships. You can't do this by yourself.

Mychael King: 54:24

I was under the impression that I could do things by myself, but I realized I cannot do it alone. Why do you think God gave Adam Eve? He's like wait, there's nothing of your kind, and Adam seems a little bit depressed. What's going on? So he created Eve, he said listen, it's not good for man to be all alone, all one. That's just not healthy. I didn't create mankind for this. So that's something I have to deal with because I think I can do it all by myself. I really have convinced myself I can do this by myself. I can do it all by myself. I really have convinced myself I can do this by myself, I can do it by myself. But then everything in me tells me you cannot. You know what I mean.

Mychael King: 55:11

So I have to work on my communication skills, and how to navigate conflict was the biggest thing how to have crucial conversations. And that's a book that I read and it's a life-changing novel. If you haven't, go buy it. If you want to start, start with your communication Because, like I said, words, there's life and death in the power of your tongue. And that book gives you the tools on how to do it and how to do it effectively. I mean, it gives you a lot of dialogue, but once you get through it and you realize that, so just kind of I don't know if we have time, but speaking from the heart was the one that that just made sense to me have heartfelt conversations and knowing exactly what it is that you want.

Mychael King: 56:05

When you talk to people, just stay there and stay on the facts. Don't create stories. Stay with the facts. Stick to what it is that you know. Have the conversation and speak from your heart. Speak from your intentions. What do you intend to do? When you do that, you have clearer conversations and even in the road of conflict, you're able to walk through it without the emotion. It's just all communication, especially in the workplace, that's so important, especially with your boss, your manager. They ask you questions. You just tell them the facts and don't take it too personal, which is hard to do. You just don't like me. Oh, your tone of voice was too, too rough. Yeah, you know, like, but when you have a relationship with someone, you realize that that's who they are. Yeah, they're a hothead.

Mychael King: 57:06

So how do you deal with a hothead? You know they're a hothead. That's what makes this important, and that's what I've personally been doing is working on how I communicate the videos that I post has been part of my development plan was to reflect, and so a lot of what you're getting is this authenticity of what it is that I'm learning. So real time real time, real time so.

Mikita Smith: 57:41

I like that. Well, tell people where they can find you and they can learn more about what you're doing your business coaching, and then they can get some insight into getting to know you through your videos.

Mychael King: 57:54

Yeah, so you know you can follow me on TikTok, instagram at Coach King, and then the I is a one in G. That's on Instagram, coach King. Well, coach King, the one, the I is one, and then it's 989 on the end. That's my Instagram page. You can find me on YouTube at Make Real Change, and it's no spaces. So I plan on doing a few other things with that project, but so that's pretty much. You're going to get most of the videos from Instagram on the Make Real Change YouTube, but it's also links all over my social medias. You can also Facebook Coach King. You'll see Make Real Change, make Change Real. You see a big logo with a crown in the middle. It's red. So that's my page. I'm on Twitter, but I'm not on Twitter. That makes sense. But, yeah, mainly just Facebook.

Mychael King: 58:55

But I do have a website and the website is up. I do sell merch on the website, but also, ultimately, I do have, like this program called transform. It is for physical health, so you will, you know, working out diet, nutrition, that kind of thing. It's a monthly subscription. It's not very costly at all. It's like $15 a month and you get everything that you can imagine, from nutrition to exercise daily to just kind of like questions that you can answer at the end of the day and it's all done on the website and you can. You can reach that at coachking1989.com and go there and yeah, just kind of explore the page and you know there's an about me section. So I mean there's, there's a few things. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not used to promo, promoing myself like that I'm. I'm usually the person that sits, uh, under the radar.

Mikita Smith: 59:57

That's all right. I definitely know how that feels sometimes not being on it, does it? But for all of you who are listening, if you don't have your pen and pencil ready, that's okay. All of this information will be in the show notes for you so you can connect and learn more about how you can start creating change in your own life, which is something I think we're all trying to do on this journey of life, think we're all trying to do on this journey of life.

Mychael King: 1:00:21

Well, thank you so much for being here for sharing your space and your insight with me and all these amazing listeners today. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate this opportunity. I mean, I jumped at it as my first one, so I pray that it blessed whoever's listening. I pray that people are starting to empower themselves and that their minds have been changed just because of the conversation we had today. You know, take it for what it is, at face value, but also take it away with the challenge. Challenge to just discover who you are and to make the change that you need to make.

Mychael King: 1:01:02

Not all change is good, but really really dive into, lean into it, because it'll change your life and the people around you as well, and the perspective of you too. So it's a beautiful thing when it happens. That's why the process is beautiful.

Mikita Smith: 1:01:19

Exactly. All right, you guys. That's all the tea that we have to spill today. If you've enjoyed our conversation, please consider leaving a review and sharing this episode with someone who might find it inspiring. Remember to tune in each and every Tuesday for more insights. Until next time, my friends Namaste.