You Were Never Invisible—You Were Becoming

In this heartfelt follow-up to one of my most listened-to episodes, we go deeper—because letting go is just the beginning.

Today, we’re unpacking the power of presence, the weight of unspoken expectations, and the courage it takes to ask for help and actually receive it. If you’ve ever questioned your worth when you're not busy, productive, or the “strong one” for everyone else… this episode is for you.

You’ll hear truths about:

• The guilt we carry after asking for help
• Why rest feels like rebellion in a hustle culture
• How to trust your impact even when no one says “thank you”
• And how you’ve been seen and valued in ways you never realized

You were never invisible—you were just growing in the quiet.

✍🏾 Show Notes:

In this episode, we explore:

• [02:40] The pause after letting go—and why it’s necessary
• [07:05] The truth about asking for help and the shame we hide
• [12:25] Why rest still feels like failure and how to shift that narrative
• [17:45] What quiet impact really looks like in real life
• [21:30] How to rewrite your relationship with self-worth, support, and silence

✨ Reflection Questions:

1. Where in your life are you still afraid to ask for help?
2. What does rest look like for you—and what beliefs are tied to it?
3. Can you name one moment when your presence made a difference, even if it went unacknowledged?

💬 Let’s Stay Connected:
DM me your favorite takeaway from this episode @makitasmith_ on Instagram
Or share the episode and tag me—because your quiet impact might be someone else’s breakthrough. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Redefining True Self-Care
• 5:33 Feminine vs Masculine Energy Balance
• 7:59 Five Intentional Self-Care Practices
• 14:49 Self-Preservation vs Self-Care
• 20:42 Permission to Feel and Rest

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

But it's also one of the most important things. It's balancing the sacred with the structured. It's about the feminine energy reminding you you don't have to earn rest. You are worthy just because you exist. It's okay to forgive yourself for not being the person everybody wants you to be. It's also okay to grieve for any loss that you have.

Speaker 1: 0:28

Hey, there, I'm Nikita, a small town girl with big dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, time for Tea with Nikita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you've found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard-to-have conversations. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot. Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot the Tuesday Tea Newsletter, your weekly infusion of big thinking, energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams, and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at BeautifullyUnbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Hello, my friends, and welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea and I'm your host, makita. I want to thank you for sharing your time, your space and your energy with me today.

Speaker 1: 1:56

In today's episode, we're going to be talking about redefining self-care. Okay, because the thing is, life gets loud, it's full of deadlines, responsibility and that invisible weight that we seem to carry that no one else can see or feel but us. But right now, for the next few minutes, it's just me and you, and this episode is very personal to me because you hear me talking about self-care a lot. But we're going to dive into something a little different when we talk about self-care, because I'm not sure in this day and age if we really understand what self-care is, because I'm not talking about this Instagram version of self-care. I'm not talking about creating this self-care checklist. I want to talk about the why behind it, because when we forget the why, what I see a lot of time is that self-care starts looking a lot like self-preservation, and that is not the same thing. So we're going to start with some truth. That might sting a little bit, because most of us are calling it self-care, but what we're really doing is just existing in this idea of survival mode.

Speaker 1: 3:09

So in this episode, we are going to talk about what self-care is and what it isn't, the difference between using our feminine energy versus our masculine energy, and what that truly, truly looks like, and why we need both, but how. Sometimes life, we know, happens and imbalances show up, but that don't mean we can't tweak a few things and correct it once we understand it. We're also going to talk about how to bring intention back into your self-care routine. So go grab a cup of tea. I want you to get comfy, because we're going to dive deep into this conversation and we're just going to be honest, all right, because that's the only thing I know how to do is to be honest, all right.

Speaker 1: 3:56

So, when we talk about this idea of self-care because when we say this word, it isn't new, but what I feel like has shifted is how we practice it Somewhere along the way, it became performative, something to prove like we're holding it all together because we're doing this, this and this, when in reality, true self-care is soft, it's slow and it's sacred. It's soft, it's slow and it's sacred. Self-care is about nourishment, not maintenance. It's feminine energy at its root Receiving, resting, reflecting, letting yourself just be. It's saying no without guilt. It's holding space for your feelings, without rushing to fix them.

Speaker 1: 4:52

But here's what self-care isn't it's not a to-do list, it's not a mask that you put on and take off. It's not about being productive in disguise and being wrapped in a pretty package. That kind of self-care can easily become masculine energy in disguise. Pushing, forcing, doing controlling. We end up taking a bubble bath while still mentally running through today's grocery list for tomorrow. That's not the energy we want when we talk about self-care and we definitely don't want to be in this idea of some survival mode or self-preservation. So let's talk about feminine energy versus masculine energy first, because I feel like we have to get to the root of it, and energy first, because I feel like we have to get to the root of it Because some of us, even myself, don't really know what it's like to move in this feminine energy space, because we never were allowed to.

Speaker 1: 5:55

We've always had to be the strong one, be on the grind to show up for everyone else and to dare to not cry or feel alone or lost. So let's talk energy. Feminine energy is flow, it's intuition, stillness, nurturing and softness, while masculine energy is structure, it's action, logic, discipline and drive. And the thing is, neither is bad. We need both of those things. But when we operate too long in survival mode, we lead with the masculine energy. Even when we're exhausted, we're constantly in action, logic, discipline, drive, and we never come out of it. We push through, we keep producing, we over-function, we become strong at the cost of feeling safe in our softness.

Speaker 1: 6:53

So the goal here is balance. Feminine energy grounds us, while masculine energy moves us. Too much masculine and we burn out. Too much feminine and we feel unanchored or unmotivated. So the thing is we need both, but the trick is recognizing which one you're leading with and when, because not every situation calls for you to push, produce or over-function. There are times when we have to be in the flow. There's time when you have to be still and nurturing and soft, because that's when we lose our intuition. We second guess it, because we're so strong in the masculine that we forget the softness out there, that energy, that continuous flow that leads to our great ability to have so much intuition flow that leads to our great ability to have so much intuition.

Speaker 1: 7:53

No, self-care comes from a place of intention. So the thing is, how do we shift, how do we stop surviving under the label of self-care and start thriving in it? So here are five intentional ways that you can start practicing self-care rooted in your feminine energy. So the first thing you can do is start checking in with your body before your calendar, ask yourself, what do I need right now? And then actually listen, because a lot of the times we ask ourselves what do I need right now? And then actually listen. Because a lot of the times we ask ourselves what do we need? And the thing is probably rest, sleep, a good cry. Maybe it's a walk without having your phone, but what we say is I don't have time for that, I got to keep going, I got to keep moving. I can't break down yet, I can't give in to the cry yet, no-transcript.

Speaker 1: 9:00

But the thing is, if you keep running in that energy, not only will you cry, but you definitely will fall apart and no one's going to know that you need the help because you've been in that role of security and structure and grind that you look so strong to other people that even when they try to step in, you push them aside and said you got it, you good. And then people don't know how to come at you when you're in that energy. So you have to start asking yourself what do you need? And you have to start taking the advice. I need a minute, I need 10 minutes to just sit in silence and do it. Literally go sit in silence. Sometimes it's saying you go into the store and sitting in the car, if that's the only moment of peace you can get, going in the bathroom saying you're taking a shower and just having a moment to breathe and cry. No one wants to cry because it's such a vulnerable act, but I can't tell you how many times that I've allowed myself to just cry and feel how, after I came out of that, it was like an awakening to. That hurt a lot, but I'm not carrying it anymore. My shoulders don't feel as heavy anymore because I admitted that I'm hurting and it's okay. I'm still here, I'm still okay.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Second thing you can be intentional about ways to practice in your self-care and being rooted in your feminine energy is holding space for where you are, not where you think you should be. You don't have to feel happy to be grateful, and you don't have to feel strong to be enough to be grateful, and you don't have to feel strong to be enough. I want to say that again because I really want you to understand. When you are holding space for where you are in this journey in your life, it's going to look and feel different and that is fine, but, again, you don't have to feel happy to be grateful. There are so many things that we are grateful for in moments that we are not at our happiest, and that there's so many times where you are enough just being who you are, even when you may not feel as strong. You don't have to feel strong to be enough. You are already enough. Remember that Hold space for who you are and where you are, and not where you think you should be.

Speaker 1: 11:57

Now the third thing that you can do to start showing up and being intentional is to create routines or patterns. Some people say rituals, whatever creates joy in your world. Let that be it. That can be something as simple as before. You go to bed every night, you light a candle. You journal. If journal works for you. Journal you can write about your day, or write one sentence. Today, this made me smile. Today, this made me grateful. It could be brewing your favorite cup of tea, eating your favorite ice cream. Maybe you stretch before you go to bed or maybe you watch reruns of your favorite show, like I do Right now. I've been watching reruns of the X-Files. I've seen every episode, but there's something comforting about turning on that TV at that certain time and just having a moment where I'm not really watching it but I'm just at peace. And remember to let that moment mean something to you. It has to be meaningful for you to want to do it. If it doesn't carry meaning, you're not going to do it.

Speaker 1: 13:09

And the fourth thing about being intentional is balance doing with being Meaning. If your to-do list is full, ask yourself what can I receive today instead of accomplish. So, when you're balancing the art of doing versus being and you're saying to yourself what can I receive today? That could be anything. What can I receive today, instead of thinking about what can I accomplish, what can I do? Because, remember, when we're operating in masculine energy, it's all about the doing, not about the receiving Sometimes the idea of receiving blessings, receiving joy, receiving happiness, you know, just having that rooted sense of feeling grounded. How can you do that, how can you be in those moments of peace, especially when you have a list full of things that you may have to do, because we all have responsibilities in life. But when we balance that responsibility of the things that we have to do and ask ourselves about what can we receive? Something simple. Everything doesn't have to be big. To me, it's all about the small things. The things I least expect bring me the biggest joy.

Speaker 1: 14:48

Now, one of the fifth things that you can do to be intentional and to become more rooted in your feminine energy is speak to yourself like someone you love, and that's the real care. The words you don't say out loud but live in your head are the same. They matter. You may not have said it out loud, but our words carry power. Your words can manifest your reality. Whether you speak them in your head or speak them out loud, they are still there. They are still manifesting negativity in your head. So remember to speak to yourself like someone you love. You have to love yourself first so you can start showing that love to others. And remember we talk about loving yourself and we talk about this idea of feminine energy here and being rooted in that. Remember, that's that nurturing phase, that softness, that's the love and flow that we give to our kids or our nieces and nephews, our pets. That's how we show up, in that energy of flow, that softness, having that amazing intuition that it's easy to operate in masculine energy, because in masculine energy we're only moving, we're not feeling, we're just continuing to do and do.

Speaker 1: 16:26

But you can only be strong for so long and I don't want that for you, I don't want it for me. I've been there, been in survival mode. I know what that looks like, I know what that feels like and at moments when I catch myself pushing myself and not listening to what my body's saying and having these thoughts of you're being lazy today, to say no, no, no. That's not what I'm doing today. I'm just taking a moment to sit in silence and really listen to what it is I need.

Speaker 1: 17:05

And sometimes, you know, we operate from this idea of self-care where we close ourselves off, we close ourselves off from relationships and say we're protecting our energy, when in truth is we're protecting ourselves from being hurt, from being rejected, from being seen, and we have to get clear that self-care can be selfish if you let it. You can't say you're practicing self-care and then close off everything else and you keep pushing through and over-functioning and being strong. That's not it. You are not at that moment, you are actually just surviving. You are in self-preservation mode. You are not in self-care mode because self-care is flow, it is nurturing, it is stillness, it is softness, it is taking the energy around you that you are feeling and you are bringing up the other person and you are nurturing them.

Speaker 1: 18:08

It is not about I'm protecting my peace and setting all of these boundaries to protect yourself against hurt. It's about recognizing that, asking yourself what can I do today to show up for me? But the me and the version of you that you want other people to be for you? You can't say I'm going to preserve and protect myself, but I want other people to show up in this way, but I'm showing up in another. So we have to be clear that when we use terms, that we understand what those terms really mean, what they look like and how they show up and manifest.

Speaker 1: 18:52

If we're dealing with some pain, we have to be able to address it, to say it's okay, and that's the whole thing about what I said earlier when we talked about being intentional, is that holding that space for where you are because you may be in a space where the only person you can care for at the moment is you, but it's when you recognize that, when you take the time to reflect and understand that that's where you are, then you can start to say, okay, where I'm at today is I only have space for me. At this moment. I do not have the space to give to anyone else. I have to focus this energy on myself and that is that feminine energy coming out, because it's all in the reflection, it's all in the flow, it's all in the recognizing and it's all about being intentional and you have to be able to reflect. So when you're talking about what can you receive today, receive sometimes can mean what can I look inward for that maybe I already possess in me that I can pull out today. That maybe I already possess in me that I can pull out today. What parts of me can I let show in this cluttered space?

Speaker 1: 20:29

Remember self-care is remembering who you are underneath all the roles you play, because, like I said in the beginning, we are all. You know, we have all these responsibilities. Life gets full fast. Responsibilities add up. We have so much happening right now in this world that it is heavy at times With loss and grief.

Speaker 1: 20:56

It is hard to give ourselves permission to feel, to rest and to be human, but it's also one of the most important things. It's balancing the sacred with the structured. Structured it's about the feminine energy, reminding you you don't have to earn rest. You are worthy just because you exist. It's okay to forgive yourself for not being the person everybody wants you to be. It's also okay to grieve for any loss that you have to grieve for any loss that you have. Let's stop using self-care to survive and start using it to come home to ourselves.

Speaker 1: 21:41

Now, if this episode spoke to you today, I want you to share it with someone who needs the reminder and, as always, I want to thank you for being here. You could be anywhere, but you chose to spend this time with me, and that means everything. I hope, when you walk away from this episode, that you have a moment of reflection where you maybe only do one of the things that I said about being intentional. It's not about doing everything. Sometimes it's just about recognizing where you are and where you want to be. All right, my friends, until next time, namaste.