Are You Living Your Life or Someone Else's Version of It?

We’ve been sold a version of self-care that looks good on Instagram—but often leaves us feeling even more burnt out.

In this episode, I’m breaking down what self-care really means, what it absolutely isn’t, and why so many of us confuse survival mode with restoration. Spoiler alert: if your “self-care” still leaves you exhausted, it’s not care—it’s another performance.

We’ll unpack:

• Why self-care is rooted in feminine energy, not hustle
• How to stop using bubble baths to bandage burnout
• The subtle difference between self-preservation and self-nourishment
• And 4 ways to bring intentional, honest self-care into your everyday life

This isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.
 Because when you learn to care for yourself from a place of wholeness (not pressure), everything shifts.

Chapters

• 0:00 Freedom with Strings Attached
• 1:49 The Feeling of Invisibility
• 4:02 Building a Life That's Yours
• 8:35 The Power of Being Truly Seen
• 12:42 You Are Just Getting Started
• 15:37 Call to Action & Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel like freedom when it still comes with guilt, pressure or needing to explain your joy to everyone. Hey, there, I'm Makita, a small town girl with big dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. And a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, time for Tea with Makita, we chat about living life unapologetically, on your terms, from career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships and everything in between. This is your one-stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection, then you found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy, because this is time for Tea with Makita and the tea is definitely hot. Ever feel like you need a superpower boost of motivation with exclusive tips and tools with your goals in mind? Well, say hello to your new inspiration hotspot the Tuesday Tea Newsletter, your weekly infusion of big thinking energy that will propel you to chase your wildest dreams and never shy away from using the power of your voice. Sign up for the Tuesday Tea Newsletter today at BeautifullyUnbalancedcom and elevate your goals to the next level. Welcome back, it is definitely time for some tea and I'm your host. Makita, I want to thank you so much for sharing your time, your space and your energy with me today.

Speaker 1: 1:35

Now, this episode may have you feeling like I am holding up a mirror. It's one of those moments where you pause and ask. Is one of those moments where you pause and ask is this the life I chose, or the one I settled into because it was expected? Because lately, I've been thinking about this idea of a legacy and purpose, not in this heavy, dramatic way, but in the kind of way where you catch yourself daydreaming while doing the dishes or folding the clothes and you wonder is this it? Do the people in my life really see me, or am I even leaving a mark? What will be my legacy when I'm no longer here?

Speaker 1: 2:20

Now, that train of thought took me back to a book that I read a while ago the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. Now, I won't go deep into the plot, but it's about a woman who lives for centuries and no one ever remembers who she is. She goes unnamed, unseen, unheard. Every interaction is fleeting and forgotten. Every connection slips away. Every interaction is fleeting and forgotten. Every connection slips away. But what stuck with me wasn't the magic of the story or the deal she made to live forever. It was how real that feeling is even today.

Speaker 1: 3:05

So I'm not here to leave a book review or tell you what you should be reading. I'm here to talk about the idea of sometimes even fleeting moments where you're with friends, family or reading a book. Some things stick with you and they always come back and pop up in your mind and they stay there for a while and they help you realize that there's something more to life. They bring up thoughts, they make you reflect and think a little deeper, and for me, that was realizing this idea of what freedom really looks and feels like, what impact am I making, and about how, even in the middle of our connected world, so many of us feel so invisible. Because, let's be real I know I will there have been seasons in my life where I've looked around and thought this isn't bad, this is nice, I like this life, but it's not the life I want. If you've ever felt that, I have been there. I know what it feels like. I'm with you, you follow the plan, you do the things, you smile in the pictures. But beneath all of that, there's this quiet ache or emptiness, this feeling of disconnection, like something's not quite right, like you traded one set of expectations for something else, you broke one cycle, only to step into a new version of the same pattern that you tried to leave behind.

Speaker 1: 4:47

And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel like freedom when it still comes with guilt, pressure or needing to explain your joy to everyone. We're told now that we can do anything Start a business, leave a relationship, move across the country and that's powerful, yes, but sometimes the weight of a choice can feel like it is suffocating and it leaves us feeling like what's happening happening Because you start the business and, first thing, people say you left that good job to do that. Or you say, hey, I'm going to move across the country, sell everything and start this new life. And why do you want to do that? It's like they give you permission to do all of these amazing things, but then you have to sit there and feel this pressure to explain why this is going to make you happy, and that's not really freedom. It's freedom with strings. And it reminded me of this book not the fantasy, but the feeling of it Living a life where you feel free but not seen Present, but disconnected.

Speaker 1: 6:11

So what I want you to ask yourself are you building a life that feels like yours? Or are you editing yourself to make everyone else feel comfortable, what you love to fit into the boxes of everyone else's expectation, until you start feeling so small, so displaced, so unsure of who you are that you will be questioning everything. Just know that you are allowed to change your mind to start over to ask what do I want, mind to start over to ask what do I want, and actually take the time to wait for the answer. Sometimes we just want a magic answer, but it isn't always that simple, right? We ask ourselves what do we want? And it takes some time, it takes some peeling back a lot of different layers to find that idea of what you want.

Speaker 1: 7:15

Because, honestly, what I wanted when I was 16 and in my 20s is not the same that I want now that I'm in my 40s. It looks different, it feels different and sometimes, when I'm thinking about what it is I truly want, I think about the feeling I want to have. What will that truly feel like for me? Sometimes I think about it in the form of a food right, because I love some good ice cream. So I wanted to feel like eating a bowl of my favorite ice cream, which is birthday cake, outside on a summer, sunny day, sunny day. Or maybe I wanted to feel like sipping on a favorite tea, some lemongrass, where all I'm doing is basking in the idea of just doing nothing. That's what freedom feels like. So understanding what it will feel like and then picturing what it would look like. So when we get there, we know what that is, what that thing is that we want, and giving ourselves permission to take our time until we find it. You don't have to be in a rush and, like I said, you can change your mind anytime you want and you are free to start over. It's never too late. You are never too late to start living a new dream.

Speaker 1: 8:48

And here's another thing I've been sitting with, because we live in a world where everything is shared but not everything is felt. It's easy to be visible. It's harder to be seen. If you've ever walked into a room, smiled, did the polite thing and still felt like no one actually noticed you, like people are interacting with the version of you they decided is safe or comfortable. You can be the strong one, the helper, the funny one, and still feel invisible in your truth, that quiet, aching invisibility. It's not new, it just wears different shoes. It just wears different shoes.

Speaker 1: 9:34

It's in being the one who checks on everyone else but never gets the how are you doing? How are you really doing? It's in staying silent to keep the peace, even when your voice is begging to scream out loud and be used. And that's when you start to wonder what happened. If I just disappeared for a week, would anyone notice? Not post anything, not reply, who would notice? How many people would stop and say hey, haven't seen you on social. What's going on? Here's what I've learned we underestimate the power of presence. We think our legacy has to be loud to matter, and it doesn't. But it's often the small things, a simple word, a moment, a glance, a pat on the back, a smile, that leave the deepest mark. And that's what this story about the invisible life of Addie LaRue taught me. But it also taught me that life is ever-changing, no-transcript, through strangers who saw something in you that you hadn't yet claimed.

Speaker 1: 11:11

I remember working with someone and it was crazy, because I'm usually in a very great mood, especially at work. I have no reason not to be in a joyful mood, right, I'm just. I'm overall normally happy person. But that day I was feeling a little stressed. I had a lot on my mind and I came in and I think I was trying to pretend to be my normal self and someone stopped me and they said hey, and they touched me gently on the shoulder and looked me in the eyes and said hey, how are you?

Speaker 1: 11:52

And I've had people ask me before in passing hey, how you doing? Well, hey, how are you? But this person actually took a moment to stop, stand, touch me, even if they didn't touch you. Stand, touch me even if they didn't touch you, but look me in the eye, because that eye contact let me know that they saw me in that moment. They saw and they said how are you? And it was the best feeling in the world because I had been struggling, and not that I decided to pour out my whole life story, but what I said was it's been a challenging week and thank you, thank you for asking me.

Speaker 1: 12:38

It means a lot and I don't know if they knew how much that meant to me, but that single impact made me slow down to ask myself? Am I doing the same for others? Am I showing up, letting the people in my life know that I see them? I truly see you. So I want you to ask yourself when is the last time you felt truly seen and what would it look like to show up as your full self, not this polished version of you that you've put together for everyone else, or this highly inflated persona that you show on social media, or the person that you are at work, but just yourself, you? You take everything away. It's like taking off the makeup at night. Like if you were that person, what would it look like? How would you feel? Because, just understand, you don't need to be everywhere. You just need to be present in the places that make you feel real.

Speaker 1: 13:47

I've been in a lot of rooms and I was very excited and honored to be in those rooms and, honestly, I wouldn't take them back. It was amazing learning lessons, but what I realized when I was in those rooms is what they were not for me. Not only that, I feel out of place and unseen. I realized that in that moment, if I could not step in that room and truly be me, the version of myself that I know is the best and just let my light shine, instead of conforming to the expectations of what someone else wanted me to be then that was not the room for me. So it's okay to appreciate the experience and still say that's okay. I'd rather be somewhere that makes me feel whole and complete.

Speaker 1: 14:46

So no, this episode is not just about the story of the book. It's about you. It's about how easy it is to slip into a version of life that looks fine on paper but feels heavy in your chest. It's about how you don't have to wait for a crisis to happen to pivot. How you don't have to wait for a crisis to happen to pivot or to get a title or promotion to matter or have this huge following of people to be remembered.

Speaker 1: 15:16

Sometimes you're leaving your legacy in places that you can't even see, and how you listen and in how you care and in how you choose yourself over and over again, even when it's quiet, even when no one's clapping. So if you've been feeling a little invisible, a little lost in your own story, I want you to hear this you, my friend, are not behind. You are not too much. You, my friend, are not behind. You are not too much. You are not too bold or too loud or too emotional, and you are never too late. You are just getting started in your life. It's already making waves. Remember that. All right, my friends, if this story connected with you or you feel like it will connect with someone else, share this with them. Let us all be empowered to create the freedom in life that we want to leave the legacy. That is all the tea that I have to spill, but don't forget to join me next time for some more delicious hot tea. Until then, namaste.